STRANDED

Let’s face it, you’ve been having the same Christmas holiday for years. The magic is gone. The dinners and the gifts are becoming routine, and now you find yourself “planning” your holiday instead of just “doing it”. Here are five tips to reform your Christmas life to the glory it once was.  Date ...

1 Jeff versus Everyone   THIRTY EIGHT SEASONS we’ve watched as Jeff Probst, executive producer of Survivor, watched from the sidelines, biding his time. Now, finally, he will be unleashed like a Tom Jones playlist on a jukebox and wreak havoc! This season, Jeff will be on the hunt. The contestants will arrive as ...

Humans of Robots

If you haven’t seen Tangled then fuck off

Psychological needs: They’ll serve food out on the quad! So, grab a paper plate, sit in the grass awkwardly, and try to make a new friend! Also, I don’t care what anyone says, Burwash has some quality food items. The pizza is 10/10 and there’s fresh fruit all the time so ...

Welcome to our startup, the one that is obviously better than all the other startups in town. We have been operating for five years and collapsed thrice, so we’re not really a startup—we just like the shiny sponsor-snatching title. We will be the hottest, coolest, most authentic startup forever.   To affirm our superiority, we ...

Jucco strikes again, and again, and again Three months ago, I was making some sawhorses for my cousin in my backyard when I heard my little Italian American son, Jucco, beating his meat. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I for one had not discovered masturbation until I was 26. Young Jucco is just 13. Never had I ...

Yeah, you heard me!

He sits on a garbage throne of lies and I guess nothing can be truly environmentally friendly in late-stage capitalism?

The three Rs of comedy