STRANDED
Why you should date someone who equals your interest in going to Disneyland
If you haven’t seen Tangled then fuck off
How to Find Your Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Psychological needs: They’ll serve food out on the quad! So, grab a paper plate, sit in the grass awkwardly, and try to make a new friend! Also, I don’t care what anyone says, Burwash has some quality food items. The pizza is 10/10 and there’s fresh fruit all the time so ...
Congratulations on getting hired, here is your tech startup orientation
Welcome to our startup, the one that is obviously better than all the other startups in town. We have been operating for five years and collapsed thrice, so we’re not really a startup—we just like the shiny sponsor-snatching title. We will be the hottest, coolest, most authentic startup forever. To affirm our superiority, we ...
Jucco Figured Out How to Jerk it
Jucco strikes again, and again, and again Three months ago, I was making some sawhorses for my cousin in my backyard when I heard my little Italian American son, Jucco, beating his meat. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I for one had not discovered masturbation until I was 26. Young Jucco is just 13. Never had I ...
If you don’t pee in the shower, you hate the environment
Yeah, you heard me!
Shawn Mendes is, unfortunately, not my sustainable king
He sits on a garbage throne of lies and I guess nothing can be truly environmentally friendly in late-stage capitalism?
How to recycle jokes
The three Rs of comedy
Your Move, Vegans: Study shows that cannibalism is the most effective solution for global warming
You just can’t have it both ways
Haikus are our only hope
As the centuries have gone by, humans have lost touch with our natural selves. Don’t believe me? Just think; when was the last time you ate dirt, or rolled around in dirt? Or put dirt in your pants? A long time. Because of this lost connection with something as simple as dirt, we have all lost ...