Okay, so let’s say your girlfriend is walking down the street and it’s a pretty nice day out. She’s just walking down Bloor and she sees, out of the corner of her eye, a little bit of sperm. Not like an excessive amount but, like, it’s visible to the naked eye from like 5.5 feet up (your girl is 5’6”). Okay, now let’s say she bends down and takes some of that sperm on her fingers. You following? Okay. So, she’s got this street sperm on her fingers and, like, her first thought is… “cool!” Then, for no apparent reason, she squats down low, sticks her fingers into the waistband of her lil panties, and just inserts that sperm. Awesome, right?
Anyways she comes home that night and she says, “Hey baby I put some sperm in me,” and you’re like, “What the fuck, you cheated on me?” And she’s like, “No, baby I just put some sperm in me,” and you’re like, “Why would you cheat on me!” And she’s like, “Baby, no, I swear to God, I literally just put some fucking street sperm in my coochie!”
At this point, you’re either like, “That’s so cool and proactive of you baby,” or you’re like, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” You decide not to make a thing out of it because you love your girlfriend and it’s not like anything bad will happen anyways. You go to bed that night a little unsettled, but it’s fine.
But that’s not the end of it.
A couple weeks pass, and your girlfriend finds out she’s pregnant. At first, you’re freaking out because you’re not ready to be a parent and you’re pretty sure the last few times you did the nasty you wore protection. But then your girl is like, “Babe, it’s a street sperm baby,” and suddenly everything makes sense. “I’m keeping the baby, baby,” she says. “You can either stay or go.”
So, knowing what you know about the situation… would you stay with your girl and raise the street sperm baby as your own? Or, do you leave your girl as a single mother with the street sperm baby? Does your answer change if you find out that it’s Jonathan Groff’s sperm? What if you find out that the baby can sing? What if this girl is the love of your life? What if she was just having an off day? What about the possibility that it is your baby? What if you find out that your sperm mixed with the street sperm and you’re having twins?
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