Their woes, delights, and what it is they want most for their birthdays!
No doubt, if you’ve spent any time on campus you are at the very least somewhat familiar with the Little Lords. Campus’ Little Lords, the delightful little sprites who flounce about campus feasting on bonbons, taking tea, and engaging in tickle fights on King’s College Circle. Unfortunately, for many, the lives of these nibble-sized nobles remain a mystery, a mystery wrapped in a gleefully boyish package. But fret no longer dear readers, for The Strand was finally able to call these lovely Little Lords away from their prolonged bout of hide-and-go-find-me and set about to ask these succulent sprites of St. George campus their innermost desires. We sat with the five leading members of this aristocratic association Marques Pommesberry Frogsbottom (MPF), The Little Lord Titty McGillespie (TLLTM), Ebersol Blibberingston the Very Twee (EBTVT), Mippy Fippins Earl of Snrunton by Wistermisterchistermire (MFESW), and Lil’ Duke Aster Plimsole-Buttercup IX (LDAPB9).
1. What do you think the Little Lords bring to UofT campus?
MPF: A chortling fund of good humour, wot wot, none of this common rot, I say! Daddy says I’m a delightful little boy, and what Daddy says goes!
TLLTM: Why, ’twere it not for mine particular palette, the campus sweetie supply would plummet preposterously. Supply and demand, good sirah!
EBTVT: Our little lordly initiative has led to many boons on campus. Monthly soirées, trips to the Crystal Palace, an intramural tickle-fighting league (both feather and finger), and the University’s very first harpsichord ensemble.
MFESW: Twiddly-dee-dee mayhaps I’ll answer in song!
LDAPB9: *cackles like a seagull*
2. What would you say is the most taxing part of being one of the campus’ Little Lords?
MPF: Undoubtedly the long hours I must spend far away from my daddy dearest! Not having his sweet baritone sing me to sleep each eve does fill my little heart with woe!
TLLTM: Student food plans do not allow for the treacle fudge tarts, bonbons, eclairs, and chocolate fudge sundaes my grumbly-tumbly-tumkin requires, and my nanny sends me each day with a little basket of sweeties, but so suffuse am I with hungry for their decadent delights, I stuff my greedy little cheeks in my first lecture!
EBTVT: The prejudice. I am oft questioned whether we Little Lords are a necessity. Some deem us too silly, and a financial drain. I once met a student with the gall to question their fees paying for our lordly daily bathtime. The fool clearly has no knowledge of the tremendous stresses of a back not scrubbed by the finest swan-feather brush! For shame!!
MFESW: Our tickle-fighting room is occasionally booked by something I deign not say for they dost not deserveth the pleasure of their mantle upon my delicate lips and tongue… UTSU…
LDAPB9: *coos and gurgles like a porpoise*
3. What is the most splendid part of being a Little Lord?
MPF: Daddy has always told me I’m a delightful little boy, and now I can share my delightfulness with everybody. I’m Daddy’s special little boy, but that durst not mean that only Daddy dearest deserves the delight of my company!
TLLTM: Sometimes there are sweeties even my nanny does not know to supply, and my little lordly friends are able to avert one of my dreaded tantrums with an impromptu tickle or mayhaps a sweetie of
their own. Master Fippins always has extra cream puffs and is never averse to filling my gullet with them!
EBTVT: No doubt being surrounded by my fellow Little Lords reminds me of my station. For ‘twere it not for mine dearest ickle friendikins I would undoubtedly lapse into the aristocratic apathy I hear tell of! I am kept alive by the delights of bathtime, the thrill of hide-and-go-find-me, and the bawdy joy of comic songs! Huzzah!
MFESW: The tickle fighting I do most enjoy for alas, back home in Snrunton by Wistermisterchistermire the court ticklers are of regrettably amateur skill, but my dear fellow Little Lords art the most beguiling ticklers e’er seen! Such raucous ticklish joy I feel amidst their dextrous digits!
LDAPB9: *makes a noise akin to that of a trumpet*
4. What is that one thing, above jewels, you desire most for your birthdays?
MPF: For every day to be take-your-Daddy-to-school day, so I can parade my Daddy dearest about campus with pride, and without the common horde thumbing their vulgar noses in envy at our affection!
TLLTM: The most decadent sweetie ever devised. So chock-full of sugar and cream that my tummy is full to bursting my little lordly chompers and fall out one-by-one!
EBTVT: A riding pheasant so I can travel from lordly engagement to another, but in a fashion befitting that of one of my station. So large must this pheasant be that my tiny stocking-clad legs must dangle helplessly astride it’s gilt saddle!
MFESW: The finest tickling stick, a perfect blend of the finest feather shaped just so to wheedle its little way into each and e’rry nook, craft, and crevice amid the human body, the tickling trophy shalt be mine!
LDAPB9: Cancel all student debt.
Excess tittering and giggles edited out for clarity and brevity.
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