Where did you come from, where did you go, where did you come from Peepeepoopoo Man
The case of Peepeepoopoo Man is as gross as it is unprecedented. Though humorous, the fear it evoked permits this strange series of events to be remembered as a case of low-impact (yet widescale) terrorism. This article in no way condones the act of dumping feces on others and should be of no liability when a new TikTok trend of dumping poo on strangers begins.
Most dinners at home are animated with my mother’s comments on the colourful conspiracy theories found on the internet. Though the Hong Kong protests are her favorite topic, the case of Peepeepoopoo Man inspired her to come up with some theories of her own. The list below consists of her greatest (but by no means most plausible) hits.
Art show gone awry: Some guy was trying to become a modern art icon—the sort that includes minimal effort but maximal virality. The construction hat and blue bucket were both slated to be part of the artist’s “signature look”. Plans to launch a fashion brand selling both items under an anonymous artist name, like Poopsy, fell through after a lack of traction on Kickstarter. In sum, Peepeepoopoo Man just wanted to be a modern art icon through an offensive, unconventional means. Unfortunately, the means was too disgusting and fear-provoking to earn him any resume-worthy claim to fame.
Brain in a vat simulation: This is a rising philosophical idea, according to my TA. The concept is as follows: you are nothing but a brain hooked up to a computer that simulates the experiences of “reality”. So, no one got poop dumped over their heads. The computer-operators out there just wanted to see whether you’d be the sort to pack an extra set of clothing to school, or whether you’re one of those kids who takes advantage of an empty Robarts. The computer lords need to have some fun, too.
A big Hollywood PR stunt: There was no real poo, and all the parties involved (victims, cops, yellow-hat-donning perpetrator) were paid actors. Remember how twerking girl with yoga pants on fire was a viral stunt staged by Jimmy Kimmel? How about Perez Hilton’s photo of Justin Bieber’s doppelganger eating a burrito sideways? Only one Hollywood film franchise (aside from Fast and Furious) can afford to dump this much money on a stunt so controversial and low-brow. My bet is that the folks behind Paul Blart: Mall Cop are to blame. Despite its five percent approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, Paul Blart: Mall Cop still made $108 million worldwide at the box office. Who says Paul Blart: Mall Cop 3 isn’t on its way?
The confusing case of Peepeepoopoo Man has united Torontonians by the tangled threads of fear and amusement. Instead of discussing the very overused topic of course grades, the mutual fascination of Peepeepoopoo Man gave friends, families, and even strangers a new topic to build resounding connections. This case did what every NBA team hires consultants to try to do: it united people and kept them engaged. Luckily, this saga will not persist as American sports teams have. It is true, we can have good conversations without living in fear of getting dredged in poo. Yes, you can come up to me any time and talk about anything you want (including any sports team or academic topic that I don’t yet follow). I’ll try my best to make our peepeepoopoo-less conversation meaningful.
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