While hunting through the Strand Office, a room in the Goldring Student Centre that I have DEFINITELY been to before, I came across the following article, dated back to 1976:
Jake Flinshaw returned from this weekend’s case competition at the TD Center for Finance Stuff, sporting a shiny 8th place ranking after presenting a case that would baffle many. Flinshaw reached out to Stranded in an attempt to boost the reach of his achievement and network more proactively: “My case argued that climate change will actually stimulate growth in the Canadian economy.” Flinshaw did not seem to understand that Stranded published satire, and when informed, said that he was aware but that we were the only “news” outlet that hadn’t published a similar article in support of climate change at this point.
Flinshaw’s case revolved around increased tourism due to rising temperatures. “People have this perception in their mind that Canada is cold, and climate change really reverses that as the temperature gets warmer.” Flinshaw pitched the building of hundreds of new hotels and resorts in locations all around the country that would “benefit” from increased temperatures. “I planned on presenting an iceberg that I brought back from my trip to Newfoundland, but when I opened my briefcase at the presentation, the ice had melted and a cod was splashing around in it.”* Flinshaw claimed that he was able to quickly turn this situation around by expounding that iceberg water was very good for the skin and could be sold as a natural remedy for a number of things. The judges applauded, apparently.
When Stranded inquired about the potential dangers of climate change, Flinshaw quickly dismissed the issue: “None of these claims have been proven yet, it’s just crack science… besides, I’m not going to be affected by it, Canada will just be warmer, I can go on Spring break without leaving the country and it’ll be awesome!”
Flinshaw was confident that he could secure his first round of investors, claiming that he had made some great connections at the case competition and could see himself being considered for the 30 under 30, or at least the 20 under 20. “I think I will be the next big Canadian entrepreneur once the weather warms 1-2 degrees.”
Stranded decided to check in on Flinshaw in 2020, and he has posted a Kickstarter to gain investors for his business to send people equipped with flame-proof suits on “eco-tours” of the wildfires in Alberta and British Columbia. So far, the campaign has raised $5, all of which were donated by Flinshaw himself.
*Writer’s note: for those not born before this period, a cod is a fish that was heavily overfished and was a direct effect of the assembly of the Anthropocene.
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