*these are not fact-checked, these are just details that I can recall, I do not claim to behistorically accurate
History always gets a bad rep for “being boring,” and to that I say, womp womp :( It’s only boring if you study the boring stuff. You gotta study the hot goss, the scandals, the rivalries. History is often clouded in big words, names, and dates that are all too annoying to remember, but not when I tell it!
HIS351 – Russia in the 20th Century
Alright so it was like reaaalllly messy in the Russian Empire during WWI. Nicholas II was the Tsar and was like really bad at his job. He didn’t listen to any of his subjects and literally lied to them when he set up a more “democratic” parliament (me when I lie). After the revolution of 1905, he tried to make some concessions but obviously they were more lies. When the empire joined the war, everyone was in SHAMBLES. Nicholas II joined the frontlines and literally LEFT HIS WIFE and kids at home with Rasputin. You know, the guy with the really good song and giant penis? A lot of historians believe that he was sleeping with the Tsarina because he was “healing” her haemophiliac son, trying to influence the empire’s politics, and also apparently was really charming (I don’t see the hype but whatever). Also, during his time in the palace, there were MULTIPLE attempts to murder Rasputin but he lived through all of them! What the fuck! They tried poisoning him AND drowning him but he kept living! Like girl…what??
HIS327 – Rome: City in History
So after the French Revolution, short king Napoleon Bonaparte stormed into Italy, kidnapped Pope Pius VI and was like “Hey girl! you’re gonna have to do everything I say and listen to all my demands.” But the Pope was like “Ew, I’d literally rather die.” So he died! And then Napoleon kidnapped Pope Pius VII and was like “Hey girl! you’re gonna have to do everything I say and listen to all my demands.” But the Pope was like “Ew, I’d rather die.” But before he could die, Napoleon forced him to attend his coronation, renounce his papacy, and agree to the Concordat. After he was released, the Pope returned to Rome and was like “Aha hey guys… I didn’t actually mean all of those things that I did, that wasn’t me lmao.” There was a little bit of chaos after this and then Gregory XVI emerged from the shadows. However, Rome started slipping into its poverty era and then Greg died. Aw, boo.
HIS379 – Vietnam at War
Lyndon B. Johnson is a LIAR. Okay so like when the Vietnam war was going on, the US was like “Omg you guys what should we do?!” and Eisenhower was like “Idk girl! I’m scared! We shouldn’t get too involved though…so I’m just gonna leave the mess to sexy hot JFK!” So when JFK takes the reins he’s like “Omg you guys we can’t get involved…it’s too expensive and we can’t be sending all of our men across seas. It’s not right.” And before anything happens, he dies! Aww nooo don’t die you were so sexy aha. So then LBJ comes in and is like “OK guys we need to practise restraint. We’re not gonna get involved!” But then, there’s like a little kerfuffle in the Gulf of Tonkin and LBJ is like “Guys I am so scared right now! Vietnam is definitely attacking us and we need to get completely involved!” Whatever happened to practising restraint? What happened to asking people if they were angry at you?