Picture this: you’re walking through the mall with your bestie, and she decides to get boba. You decide to join her. At first sip, you’re intrigued, but a couple of sips in, something starts to feel wrong. The slimy texture combined with the sheer volume of boba is overwhelming. You start to worry. You look over at your bestie, who seems fine—nay, she’s enjoying it—so you trudge on. After a few more sips, you can no longer deny it: boba sucks. You try to avoid the boba so you can at least enjoy the drink…but the boba DEMANDS to be tasted. You can’t escape the small balls of hell crawling up your straw. You manage to finish your drink (and somehow there’s still boba left at the bottom!!!). You think the hard part’s over, but you’re gravely mistaken. Now, you must suffer the pain of post-boba bloating. So painful that you fear you won’t survive it. Your day is ruined and you’re down one friend and it’s all the fault of the abomination of a drink called boba.
Not convinced by this stomach-wrenching narrative? Below is a comprehensive argument to further explicate our point.
5 reasons why boba is trash:
- Flavour (or lack thereof)
Someone please tell us what boba is supposed to taste like. You can’t? That’s because it doesn’t taste like ANYTHING! You expect some sort of flavour explosion, but it’s just bland, tapioca-filled sadness. If you’re going to put little giblets of solid gel at the bottom of a drink, at least make them worth our while.
- Mouth feel
Drinks are liquid. They do not require chewing. Boba is a drink, but requires chewing?? Honestly a choking hazard, if you ask us.
- Stomach feel
Boba defies biological reason. It does NOT digest like normal food (drink? Idk). Those chewy orbs sit in your stomach like rocks. Nothing is worth that level of indigestion.
- Cult status
You know what we’re talking about.
- Resemblance to Orbeez
Orbeez are fun. They are silly, squishy orbs. They are, however, NOT edible (trust us). Boba is basically Orbeez but without fun colours. Why would someone create such a mind trap?
So, we want to know: who’s forcing you to uphold this grossly false narrative that boba is *choke* good??! Is Big Boba paying you all??? Are you being held at gunpoint?? Blink twice if you need help!!
If you are part of the cult of boba worshippers, we hope our entirely logical (and correct) argument can help you see the light (and regain your taste buds).
Boba lovers have reigned for too long. It’s time for boba haters to rise up and proclaim the necessary truth that boba is just plain bad.
That is just your opinion. Other people can like it and that does not mean boba sucks. It just means you don’t like it. So please stop trying to convince other people that your opinion is right for everyone. Thank you.
stfu sarah boba sucks