Baby smell

You hold the squishy fleshy baby in your hands. Your nose dips into the fuzz of their scalp. You inhale deeply. Baby Smell™ fills your nostrils and binds to your serotonin receptors, flooding you with emotions. But what is Baby Smell™? What are the components of this exudation, the most potent human vape juice? Some describe the scent as “milky.” This makes me uncomfortable, but it is somewhat correct. But milk in the fridge doesn’t quite smell like that. Baby Smell™ smells more like the memory of milk. (I am trademarking Memory of Milk as my new skincare line, by the way, so NEVER USE THIS PHRASE AGAIN OR I WILL SUE YOU.) Okay, anyway. We move on to the next components. You might say it is baby powder or lotion that constitutes baby smell, but these are external sources of scent. Raw, cold-pressed Baby Smell™ should ideally be unaltered by these additives. Besides, if you put these products on your own stinky adult body, you would not reach olfactory nirvana. Which brings me to the next point: some adults truly do have Baby Smell™. You might not believe it with all the deodorants, colognes, and body washes people use. But if you one day burrow your nose into one of these blessèd people’s hairlines, you will find pure Baby Smell™. Therefore, Baby Smell™ must have something to do with the soul, for it emanates ceaselessly for those who are pure. And you may find yourself addicted to smelling these individuals or wanting to protect them. Do not dismiss this finding if you come across the rare adult with even a HINT of Baby Smell™. Call our toll-free line at 1-800-BBY-SMEL to give anonymous tips. We need more specimens to uncover the true science underlying Baby Smell™. Perhaps this will be the key to peace and justice: pouring endless amounts of this yummy scent over war-torn lands, encouraging everyone to smooch others’ foreheads. We look forward to your contributions to our scientific endeavours.