Wild horses couldn’t drag you away from these amazing tips
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink, the old adage goes—but is that really true? According to University of Tolfetano hippologists, here are the top ten ways you can make your horse drink:
- Stop horsing around—if you don’t act serious, your horse won’t think you’re serious about you wanting it to drink the water.
- If it’s a gift horse, look it in the mouth—it will get self-conscious about its poor oral hygiene and start drinking water to cover up the smell of its halitosis.
- “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse” isn’t just an expression—it’s a threat. Tell your horse that you’ll bring over a ravenous person unless it drinks the water.
- Horses care about their well-being a lot, as can be inferred from the phrase “as healthy as a horse.” To use this to your advantage, you should surround your horse with junk food to scare it into getting closer to the water. (Once it’s been stuck for a while, with nowhere to escape, it will become dehydrated and be forced to drink the water.)
- The phrase “hold your horses” is advice you should follow—releasing horses will just reaffirm your horse’s hesitancy to drink, as now your horse will feel as if it’s not alone in not drinking the water. Cows, however, are different. If you don’t hold them back, they will immediately start peer pressuring your horse to drink the water. (As is common knowledge, horses are too insecure to resist conformity.)
- You should beat a dead horse to let your own horse know that if it doesn’t drink the water, it will be next.
- Make it a water-drinking contest and invite a dark horse to the competition—the dark horse will win suddenly and unexpectedly, which will motivate your horse to get better at drinking water (be warned, a /Karate Kid/ style training montage will ensue).
- Get off your high horse! (Intoxicated horses don’t want to drink water if they’re being sat on—it makes them paranoid.)
- Bring a Trojan horse filled with many little horses. At night, they will come out of the larger Trojan horse and ambush your actual horse, forcing it to drink water.
- Last but not least, ask your horse why it doesn’t want to drink the water! (You should always get your info straight from the horse’s mouth.)