The fitness episode
Welcome back to The Guestlist! I’m your host, and today I’m delighted to welcome Mr. Guru Fitness on the pod for an interview on all things ~health and wellness~. Without further ado, gather up your snacks and pop in your earphones. Hi, Guru!
Guru: Hi. While I appreciate the gesture of comforting your audience, I’d advise against the snacks and drinks. Snacking isn’t really a habit that I endorse.
Uhhh, okay… Let’s just get started with the questions. We all know your commitment to fitness is immaculate. What’s helped you stay this—
Well, yeah, I’m pretty built and I think I’ve been like this for three proper years. I was lean before, still strong, but I’ve really upped my game since then. I replaced beer with tequila, and I don’t think I’ve had chips, pizza, or chicken tenders in eight months. Pretty remarkable, I’d say.
Wow, that sounds… miserable… But since you mentioned alcohol, I feel compelled to ask: do you smoke?
I vape, dude. To be honest, I only ever smoke when I drink, even though it’s a bit of a cliché. It’s just the way we jacked people live. How much do you bench?
Um, me? I use dumbbells, so—
Fuck you man. Dumbbells? Pal, I do like 175 on the bar for warm up. Pathetic. How do you expect to stay fit if you don’t put in the effort?
I mean, I’m trying to find time to go to the gym, but it’s kind of a hectic commute, and my schedule’s a bit tight.
See, this is the problem with you young folks. Y’all want to be built like me, but you can’t even give two hours to the gym. And when you do, you bench with dumbbells? Disgusting. How much protein you eat, bro? Do you even count macros? Do you—
*silence*
Well, it seems we’ve gotten disconnected. Ah, what a shame. Anyway, that’s all for this episode of The Guestlist! Thanks for tuning in!