My girlfriend has a Grinch fetish. And I love it.

“You’re a sexy one, Mr. Grinch / You really are a flirt / You’re as cuddly as a pillow. You like it rough and full of dirt, Mr. Grinch!” This is just one of the many “remixes” my girlfriend sings to me as I’m dressed head-to-toe in a green yak-hair suit. For some this might present a red flag in a relationship, for me, this is when I knew things were getting serious – in a good way!

How this first came up was when I confessed my love for the live-action Grinch movie starring Jimothy Carrey. I thought I was just being open, sharing a little about myself. I even added in my impression, which, by all accounts, is reasonably decent. What I didn’t know was that I had set off a sequence of stimulants that were out of my control. It started off with her making me do the impression. Very benign! Then it was me doing the impression while in green face paint. Without even blinking an eye I was doing the voice exclusively, in an industrial-grade Grinch suit, while sporting a man thong. And I like it! I like being the Grinch! Though this has come with some unforeseen consequences.

One of the biggest drawbacks is that the zipper is broken. And now I am permanently the Grinch. I’m the Grinch in lecture. I’m the Grinch at the gym. I’m the Grinch at Anime North. Also! I haven’t been able to shower in months! I’ve resorted to installing a hole in the back of the suit to drain out all the built-up sweat. I call it the sweat hole. It’s multi-purpose.

I guess what I’m trying to say is you don’t really need a Grinch costume to express your love. You wear it with you everywhere you go. It’s your heart… that is three sizes too big. But when your bells need some tender jingling, it doesn’t hurt to have an adult Grinch suit with a sweat hole. Happy Valentine’s Day.