Customer service, how can I help you today?
Hello, I’d like to cancel my acne subscription?
Okay. How old are you?
I’m 22. I signed up for a free trial when I got my first period, but it just kept getting renewed every month. I’ve tried everything listed on your website and I can’t get rid of it.
Have you tried washing your face before bed and in the morning?
Yes.
Have you tried exfoliating three times a week?
Yes.
Have you tried birth control pills?
Yes, and it made it worse. Listen, I told you I tried everything on your list, and it won’t go away. Is there any way you could cancel it for me? I’m fine with all the other stuff you guys included in the bundle, even the cramps…but acne just doesn’t serve a purpose anymore.
Hmm… I see… Are you aware that oily skin can make you look young for longer?
Yes, I’ve been told. Look, I don’t mind the wrinkles and I honestly don’t think looking like a teenager is what came to mind when people said that… Just please stop my face from breaking out every time I do something slightly stressful or eat something tasty…
I understand… Unfortunately, we can’t cancel your acne because of your period subscription. It’s part of your family plan.
What do you mean my “family plan”?!
It means acne runs in your family so you can’t cancel it unless you cancel your whole bundle, which includes your period and unfortunately, we can’t cancel that for another 20 years…
But acne is painful! And yeah, periods are painful too, but at least people give you nice things when you get your period! Like a cup of tea, chocolate, a hot water bottle… When you get acne all you get is pain and unsolicited advice like…
Oh yeah you shouldn’t eat dairy or chocolate, butter, fried food or nuts or anything appetizing, really.
That’s exactly what I’m talking about!! [sigh]
Also, have you tried changing your pillowcase to a silk one? Like the ones you’d find in a honeymoon suite.
Yes, I have! And don’t even get me started with the amount of money I spent on skin care products.
We’re sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with our product, but unfortunately there’s nothing we can do for you at this time. Anything else I can help you with?
Actually…. Is there anything you can do about that odd single hair on my chin?
Ma’am I don’t think you understand how our service works.
Comments are closed.