Ketchup is the best condiment ever!
Has any sane person ever just sat down and thought, “Hmm, I can eat a slice of cheesecake right now.” The answer is no unless you’re a psychopath and hate your taste buds. If you disagree with me while reading this, well, you are wrong—hope this helped.
Cheesecake is the bane of my existence. Before you come at me, hear me out! I have tried almost all the flavours of cheesecake, I have done my research, and I can proudly say that it is at the bottom of the cake ranking tiers (chocolate cake is at the top, of course). Now I’m not here just to make claims. I came here with proof to back up my argument. What are the two most crucial ingredients of cheesecake? Cream cheese and sugar! Do you know what that sounds like? You are just eating a block of creamy cheese with added sweetness, and you are labelling it as a culinary masterpiece. Just eat a block of cheese from your fridge with sugar sprinkled on it and call it a day my friend. Also, why does cheesecake have savoury undertones to it? I’m looking for dessert and not a second dinner.
I will never understand how something that’s so disgraceful to humanity can have a whole factory named after it. It’s giving nepo-baby behaviour, doing absolutely nothing but still rising to the top. This is insanity, and the funniest thing is Cheesecake Factory has the worst cheesecake. This is scientifically proven (don’t fact-check me on this). In all honesty, it’s just the texture of cheesecake that keeps me away from it. It has no structural integrity attached to it, and there is no bite to it (if you’re thinking about the soggy graham cracker base, don’t).
One thing I’ll never understand about cheesecake is how it needs other elements to shine: it can never be an independent girly. Strawberry cheesecake is a prime example of this, and I hate that too because I don’t like fruits in my dessert. Speaking of fruits, the fruit I hate with a passion is tomatoes. I can go on a full rant about their mushy texture and weird taste. If you think about it, no one is ever craving a tomato. However, I must bow down in front of the tomato for blessing us with the greatest invention known to humanity: ketchup.
Without ketchup this world would be dull, humans wouldn’t know how to function, and all our meals would be bland. It’s just tomatoes and sugar, but it is revolutionary (cheesecake can’t relate) it’s one of a kind, and dare I say, it’s the best condiment to walk on this earth. I can eat it with anything. Name a food, and I will have it with a side of ketchup. Want to know something crazy? I saw a TikTok where people were bashing a girl for eating grilled cheese with ketchup, and I was flabbergasted. Is this not a normal thing to do? Grilled cheese with ketchup is AMAZING. It’s the same thing as having grilled cheese with tomato soup, but so much better. I swear people blow my mind every day with how wrong their food opinions could be.
You know what else blows my mind? People lying about enjoying pancakes! No one likes them. They are always at the bottom of breakfast food items. The texture of a pancake is horrendous. It is extremely rubber-like and extremely bland in taste. While we are on the topic of pancakes, have you ever seen a person who likes to eat French toast? Yeah, me neither. Will you ever find that person? Never.