Or is she just Catholic?
First, I’d like to make one thing clear: this is a plea for help.
My friend has always been a bit of a sullen person—her dad died when she was six (hit in the head with a boomerang during a trip to Australia), so I’m sure you can imagine how that would affect someone. But a few months ago, she seemed happier than she usually was, so I asked her if anything had changed. This is what I remember her telling me:
- She visits an older man once a week.
- She tells this man secrets that she’s told nobody else.
- At the end of their meetings, he tells her to repent and beg for forgiveness.
- She refers to him with a paternal nickname (unfortunately, I don’t remember if it was ‘father’ or ‘daddy’).
An astute reader may wonder how I only took away four points from her explanation and why I was unable to tell whether she said ‘father’ or ‘daddy.’ You may judge me for this, but while she was explaining herself, I started playing Clash of Clans. I know that sounds really bad, but hear me out—I was trying to maintain my streak for the Streak Event, and I’m only Gold League III, so I really needed the extra loot. Plus, she’s kind of a slow talker and I didn’t really have the mental wherewithal to use 100% of my brain listening to her. Despite my justified reasons for playing Clash, this meant that I was left in a state of confusion after the conversation ended, with my first thought being: wait, was she talking about a Catholic priest or a kinky older man?
Perplexed by the conversation we had, I spent the next few months trying to figure out more about this mystery man, to little avail. I’ve tried asking about him, in vague and subtle ways, such as by asking if she would consider buying him a Christmas gift or asking her what his personality’s like—her responses to these were that she’ll buy him a bottle of wine and that he’s “very passionate, if you know what I mean.” (No, I, in fact, do not know what you mean.) Another time, I tried following my friend to her meeting with him, but in my efforts to not lose track of her car, I ended up accidentally running a stop sign and got T-boned by a truck (it probably didn’t help that I was playing Clash at the same time). Once I actually did meet him in person. My friend and I were at the mall when she saw him and introduced the two of us—his name is Tennessee, apparently. We started talking, and I intended on getting some information out of him, but he also plays Clash, which completely derailed the conversation (he’s ranked Crystal I, much to my dismay).
Figuring out the relationship between my friend and that man is of the utmost importance to me. If I don’t, it’ll only be a matter of time until I accidentally make an inappropriate comment about their relationship. Just to be clear, I CANNOT under ANY circumstances ask my friend who the man is (this has been going on long enough that it would be way too weird to ask at this point). This only leaves me with one option: to ask you, the reader, for help—this is why I’m offering $20, a 1995 tie-dye Lizzy the Lizard Beanie Baby, and a 50% off McDonalds coupon to anyone that can figure this out.
Please, help me.
