Illustration | Wren Turner
We all know that U of T is known, amongst other things, for its bustling student life and the abundance of clubs that it offers. During your time here, you might have seen a particular group of people walking around on campus that are just not like the rest. You may have even wondered: how would one go about joining this group? Well fear not, this will be an introduction to perhaps the largest student organization on campus—the antisocial social club (are they CCR-recognized yet?).
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “What’s the point of a club if everyone’s just going to not talk to each other?” But alas, you are missing the point. I’m not an incredibly attentive person, but I’m pretty sure I’ve never even seen them speak in general. The club has no meetings, no Facebook group that you can join, no monthly newsletter than you can subscribe to. These people communicate solely through Instagram posts. You’ve probably seen them; the faded, blue-grey tinged photographs of just the backs of their heads on some concrete building. These photos are mainly taken at night, against the backdrop of the city. You can identify these members by one characteristic—the text on their sweaters that states the name of this club in bold white text, as if it’s making some desperate, ironic cry into the chaotic world, just trying to make sense of it all.
Now onto the part you’re waiting for: how to join. Well, this is no easy feat. For starters, obtaining a club hoodie is incredibly difficult; you’ll most likely have to sacrifice one of your organs to obtain the necessary funds, and they are pretty much always sold out because of the sheer amount of people trying to join. This will probably be even more competitive than med school. Secondly, you will have to learn the secret greeting gesture. This is the anti-social, but social part. When you encounter one of these bad-boys or gals on the street, you must, by the law of this good nation, drop down immediately to one knee, arrange your fingers so that your thumb and index fingers are touching and the rest of them straight, in one line, almost like you’re saying OK, but way cooler. Then, cross your arms, and protrude your mouth as far as it will go without it being a duck face. There you have it. I encourage you to do this, in as public a space as possible, in order to to announce to as many people as you can that you are cool—the coolest. Prepare for a lot of impressed stares though, and learn first aid, because people will be so taken by your undeniable charm that they may faint and collapse at once. With great power comes great responsibility. After one month in the club, you’ll be a qualified doctor.
I, for one, am incredibly proud of the immense presence of this club, it is actually the only reason why I applied to U of T. Good luck, and I hope to see some of you on the streets doing the secret greeting sign soon.