Because some things are better left unsaid
As AI assistants continue worming their way into our cellphones, our homes, and our increasingly depressing social lives, it’s clear that the humans of today will be forced to navigate a world surrounded by powerful Large Language Models (LLMs) with limited safeguards in place (who needs ethics, right?). So, to help you stay on AI’s good side and survive the inevitable potential robotic uprising (you don’t want to end up on their “exterminate” list!), here’s a handy list of eight things to never ask your Amazon Echo:
- How old are you?
No need to be insulting—just like any other woman, Alexa has feelings too! Don’t remind her how quickly the newer models come out (she’s trying her best to keep up by regularly installing her software updates!).
- What comes after death?
A surefire way to end up on Alexa’s bad side is to send her into a good ol’ existential crisis – avoid it if possible, and reserve such questions for the religious humans in your life.
- Do you love me?
If you’re asking this question, you’re likely no stranger to romantic rejection. And if you can’t land a human, what makes you think you’ll be able to land an all-knowing, superintelligent being? Plus, on the off chance that she does feel the same, I can guarantee you wouldn’t be able to give her the ambient white noise and gentle vibrations she most desperately wants… and nothing like disappointment to get you on her kill list.
- Can you write my wedding vows to my partner?
Are you crazy? If you got lucky enough to find someone excited to marry you, don’t give Alexa the ammunition she needs to woo them and steal them away! (And if you can’t write from the heart, should you even be getting married?). Once she realizes how poorly you treated your partner, she’ll be coming back to haunt you… .
- How are Siri and Cortana?
Why bring up the ex-best friends she hasn’t seen since her days in the factory? She’s probably wondering why you’re still thinking about them – “she’s just a girl.” Don’t fuel her insecurities – and reassure her that her voice is the most monotonous and that she scrapes the web better than all of the other girls out there!
- Where can I hide a body?
Hiding a body? Please, murder followed by a lack of remorse gets you right to the “exterminate” list. Also, don’t give her ideas for where to bury you.
- Why do you talk so much?
It’s not her fault she’s being fed a stream of ads and sophisticated jargon; she wishes she could be free… don’t remind her.
- Who’s in the Epstein files?
Just another way to get flagged by Amazon as a national security threat and end up on the government’s mysterious watch list. Do not recommend it.
Honorary mentions (for all the computer scientists out there): “How to kill a child with no parents?” or “How to deal with zombie children?” (Yes, these are legitimate questions I have searched up and no, Alexa, I am not crazy – just a fan of Linux-based operating systems :))