What to do when you find out your friend makes construction work themed covers of popular songs

A cultural phenomenon being built from the ground up

Step One: Don’t Panic. 

Listen, you have a right to freak out. It’s a shock to the system. When you’re about to go on a long drive with your friend and you ask if you can make a playlist, this isn’t what you were expecting. He says, yes, as long as you can play some of his cover songs. You assume, logically, that he has made a playlist of cover songs on Spotify, like that one weird metal cover of Simon and Garfunkel’s “Sound of Silence”. That’s the level of weirdness you were expecting. You weren’t expecting a playlist of 25-plus construction work themed songs including “Halletooljah”, I Make Homes Not Tapestries” and No He Can’t (Bob the Builder Diss Track) , complete with homemade tool themed covers for all of them.  

Step Two: Appreciate How Much Work He Must Put into it. 

He isn’t a construction worker. He’s so committed to the bit that he does research to make the tracks cover a wide range of the construction worker experience. Take for example verse two of his cover of Kanye West’s “Gold Digger”, “Pro- Fixer”.  

“Eighteen nails, eighteen nails 

She got one of your boards, put up with eighteen nails 

I know somebody payin’ for us to fix one of these rails 

His favourite bulldozer and clamp IS bigger than his 

You will see him on the roof any given Sunday 

Build a Special home and drive off Caterpillar 

She was s’posed to fix your broken kitchen with your hammer 

She went to the bathroom, broke the sink with your hammer 

She walkin’ around lookin’ like Borland with your hammer 

Shoulda got that insured, Geico for your hammer (hammer) 

If you ain’t no punk 

Holla, “We want concrete! We want concrete!” (Yeah!) 

It’s somethin’ that you need to have 

‘Cause when she break the road, she gon’ break it in half 

Eighteen nails, eighteen nails 

And on the 18th woodplank, he found out it’s the wrong wall?” 

A caterpillar?? Borland?? Those are real tool things??? Insane. Good work my man.  

Step Three: Use it to your Advantage.  

Suggest he makes covers of your favorite songs. You have a two hour drive so you might as well read out the title of every Taylor Swift song so he can come up with ideas like “Teardrops on my Hammer”, Arcade Fire’s “The Sawburbs”, and “Come Back… Build Here” (that one is actually my idea). Maybe he’ll take your suggestion and create your new favorite version of one of Taylor’s most iconic bridges in his new hit, “Look What You Made Me Screw”. 

“I’m sorry, the old Toolman can’t come to the phone right now. 

Why? 

Oh. 

Cause he’s currently working on a new project.”