What is it and WHY does the West love it so much?
Once just an ordinary and comfortable position to place oneself in, The Slavic Squat has taken the Western world by storm since the early 2010s. As a Certified Slav imported into North America, I’ve found it interesting how captivated the ordinary Westerners are with The Squat, and how they go absolutely nuts when I, a Certified Slav, do The Squat myself.
First things first: why do we Squat? For simplicity’s sake, we’ll say its origin dates back to the beginnings of Yugoslavia and the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. Back in the day, the socialist nature of these states made it difficult to provide funding for everything. With the breakup of these states and their economic difficulties, the lack of funding became exacerbated in the 1990s and leading into the 21st century. Particularly, this was demonstrated through the lack of public seating and the dire toilet situation that existed. We needed to find a solution within ourselves, and thus in the 30s or 40s, The Squat was adopted within the Slavic mindset. Couldn’t find a bench in the park in Zagreb? Squat! No seats left on the metro in Kiev? Squat! The public toilet is a hole in the ground? Squat! All of Moscow has used that public toilet on the электри́чка? Literally squat on it!! Honestly, the Squat was never a propaganda campaign by the state to call on solving our problems, but it just became an inherent action and regular occurrence in our everyday lives.
Second thing: with the socialist years left behind, some benches were placed, some toilets were imported from Germany, but as generations went on, these squats became genetic. This is why you’ll notice that if a Canadian-born Slav Squats, it’s all hereditary! The motherland truly never leaves the hamstrings.
Though many Slavs emigrated from the region, they and their children never really left their roots. This exposure to the West of Squatting offspring and the гла́сность of videos from Slavs squatting in the homeland has created an interest in, if not a fetishization of, the Squat. The popularization of the tracksuit and its comfort in the Slavic world went hand in hand with the comfort of The Squat, so much that the Westerners couldn’t have one without the other—which only made the public more obsessed with this phenomenon.
It’s extremely important to note that many Westerners simply cannot do the Slavic Squat, and it’s really easy to tell. True Slavs will always have their feet flat on the ground and knees spread apart. You’ll quickly notice that a squat is Westernized if the person incorporates the balls of their feet into the squat—this is wrong! We don’t exist to be slandered by NATO-lovers! Not only is this bad physiologically, but this gives you away. The KGB didn’t need to breach the CIA to find out who was a foreign spy during the Soviet Union, they just needed common sense.
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