Forecasting the Most Aesthetic Cryptocurrency

When The Strand asked me to lend my expertise to the Hypebeast issue, I was floored. My alma mater, finally shedding the pretensions of social justice and focusing on what really matters, like Supreme hoodies and synthetic goth-ninja-style? I’ve never felt more connected.

If you could see me right now, you’d notice that my incredibly street outfit is crowned by $1000 Balenciaga Triple S colorways in matte polyester with neon green accents. You may be wondering how you can get as hype as me. And as a business journalist, I’m here to tell you: it’s all crypto, my brother.

Melding bleeding edge tech with capitalism? Sounds like freedom to me. The freedom to be hype. Without further ado, here’s my most aesthetic cryptocurrency advice for my fellow beastmode Victorians.

It’s called Ethereum.

For starters, this is the logo:

Incredibly goth and aesthetic. If you need me to say more, it was created by a man named Vitalik Buterin, which is not a skate brand, despite what you may think. If you Google Image search Vitalik (he’s mononymous, for a plus), you’ll realize he is what peak performance looks like: a man so aesthetic that he can eschew any focused style in favour of his own radiant aura, bursting forth from the seams of his novelty t-shirt. The man is pure hype.

You may have heard that cryptocurrencies are a ponzi scheme; an unregulated cash grab by those with the means and the modes to understand how these things work. And sure, they’re speculative. In fact, I’m in pretty deep. And that’s why I’m here: to help you out and get you to help me out. You want to be aesthetic, right? You want to be hype, like me? Think Etherium. Buy Etherium. I’m in a lot of trouble here.

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