Ten things my co-worker Steven thinks about babies

1. “Ewwwww.” 

2. “They’re stupid nasty stinky poo-poo heads.” 

3. “Unpopular opinion, but I think their second album was better than their first.” 

4. “You know that movie Baby Boss? Has the second one come out yet?” 

5. “Babies are so stupid; they can’t even fucking read.” 

6. “I saw a baby once, and I threw up all over the inside of my mouth.” 

7. “Baby shoes never worn? Are they Air Jordans? That’s sad.” 

8. “Mm, Pampers.” 

9. “The Babies are an American rock band from Brooklyn, New York City, made up of members Cassie Ramone, Kevin Morby, Justin Sullivan, and Brian Schleyer. Not to be confused with actual babies, like, the people. My bad.” 

10. “Babies don’t even, like, taste good.”