STRANDED

Strand Publications Inc. closed its deal today with the University of Toronto Engineering Society to purchase its monthly newsletter, the Toike Oike (pronounced To-ee-kee Oh-ay-ki). The acquisition follows a trial issue of the Toike, wherein The Strand’s April 2015 Joke issue was reprinted under the Toike’s masthead with less original content and—most ...

“I am really glad that Apple finally responded to my many complaints about the lack of a left-leaning pen. There is so much discrimination against lefties these days, and it helps to have that sort of representation in emojis.”   “I am very excited about the new update! Now I ...

INT. MANSION IN ROME—NIGHT JAMES BOND (poised, icy) steps softly towards WIDOW (beautiful, haughty), who stands against the opposite wall. As he approaches, she whips open a black lace fan and holds it over her face. BOND is, as usual, completely unfazed.

Okay, so congrats or whatever. The Blue Jays had the third best record in the MLB and have come back from a 2-0 deficit to win their American League Division Series over the Texas Rangers. And it was in particularly fantastic fashion, given José Bautista’s seventh inning home run. Don’t ...

Every day, hundreds of heterosexual men in your community are afflicted by a condition called The Waist-Touch Disorder, or W-TD (known in the medical world as Unnecessitus Gropiosis). This grievous condition, aggravated by the close proximity of a woman, causes the man’s auditory and verbal abilities to become directly linked ...

“In one of my pockets is a sweet, sweet candy bar. In the other, an even sweeter candy bar that contains razor wire. Oh, I forgot to mention that the first candy bar is poisoned. That part is kind of important. Anyway, pick one.” “On July 29, 1981, I recorded ...

The University of Toronto Students’ Union was the subject of more controversy than usual this past week with its filing of a lawsuit against former executive figures. Charges of civil fraud against the UTSU’s former executive director, president, and vice-president internal and services were reported by The Varsity on September 24. ...

Amid much fanfare, Pope Francis successfully concluded his first visit to the United States of America last week. The trip was highlighted by an address to both Congress and the UN General Assembly, a visit to a correctional facility, and a Papal motorcade through Central Park. Everyday Americans, the press, ...

One of the more controversial premieres at the Toronto International Film Festival is the historical drama Stonewall, directed by Roland Emmerich. Based on the Stonewall Riots of 1969 that were foundational to the LGBT civil rights movement, the film has come under fire for not casting any trans actors or ...

Experts have been studying a young woman who was the victim of “Violent Bonding” during Victoria College’s Frosh Week 2012. During a game of Ninja, the student, who The Strand has decided should probably remain anonymous, was struck in the face by a fellow Vic student during his turn. Although ...