STRANDED

As The Strand went to press, many fans across the globe were still in mourning over the loss of David Bowie. Regrettably, Stranded section editor Neil MacIsaac submits his contributions via carrier pigeon well in advance of printing, and thus his aggressive takedown of David Bowie’s 1977 album Low was received in ...

NEW YEAR 2016 MEETING MINUTES. Sixteen staff members in attendance. Five staff members absent because it’s past 8PM and they’re afraid of loud noises. Call to order: December 31, 2015 at 11:45PM. ANNA-XXI moves to approve minutes from last NEW YEAR meeting. ANNA-XX seconds. Motion passes with five basic teens ...

Viral challenges: say what you want about thousands of people setting fire to their chests or drinking Smirnoff Ice, we can all agree we ache for more. They form some of our most lasting memories that shape who we become years later, no one will deny that. Viral challenges are ...

Strand Publications Inc. closed its deal today with the University of Toronto Engineering Society to purchase its monthly newsletter, the Toike Oike (pronounced To-ee-kee Oh-ay-ki). The acquisition follows a trial issue of the Toike, wherein The Strand’s April 2015 Joke issue was reprinted under the Toike’s masthead with less original content and—most ...

“I am really glad that Apple finally responded to my many complaints about the lack of a left-leaning pen. There is so much discrimination against lefties these days, and it helps to have that sort of representation in emojis.”   “I am very excited about the new update! Now I ...

INT. MANSION IN ROME—NIGHT JAMES BOND (poised, icy) steps softly towards WIDOW (beautiful, haughty), who stands against the opposite wall. As he approaches, she whips open a black lace fan and holds it over her face. BOND is, as usual, completely unfazed.

Okay, so congrats or whatever. The Blue Jays had the third best record in the MLB and have come back from a 2-0 deficit to win their American League Division Series over the Texas Rangers. And it was in particularly fantastic fashion, given José Bautista’s seventh inning home run. Don’t ...

Every day, hundreds of heterosexual men in your community are afflicted by a condition called The Waist-Touch Disorder, or W-TD (known in the medical world as Unnecessitus Gropiosis). This grievous condition, aggravated by the close proximity of a woman, causes the man’s auditory and verbal abilities to become directly linked ...

“In one of my pockets is a sweet, sweet candy bar. In the other, an even sweeter candy bar that contains razor wire. Oh, I forgot to mention that the first candy bar is poisoned. That part is kind of important. Anyway, pick one.” “On July 29, 1981, I recorded ...

The University of Toronto Students’ Union was the subject of more controversy than usual this past week with its filing of a lawsuit against former executive figures. Charges of civil fraud against the UTSU’s former executive director, president, and vice-president internal and services were reported by The Varsity on September 24. ...