Ever find yourself walking down St. George when you feel the urge and are unsure of where to turn? Do you look frantically back and forth between the intimidating Bahen Centre and Engineering Annex, knowing your decision about where to leak the lizard could mean either despair and suffering or a trip to a hidden Heaven-on-Earth? Fear no more—we’ve got your back. Here are the best and worst places to pee on campus.
The GOOD:
Knox College Library 1st Floor Washroom: ★★★★★
Style/Ambiance: Gothic-1960s Fusion
Accessible: Yes
Gender-Neutral Option: Yes
# of Stalls/Urinals: 3
Small, clean, and in the heart of one of the most underappreciated and beautiful colleges at UofT, Knox College is guaranteed to impress. Its hidden location under the seldom-used Caven Library helps keep it out of the way of the hordes of students coming from Con Hall after three-hour lectures, needing release. The aged stone interior sets the scene for an eclectic and vibrant washroom experience. Boasting a shelf on which to store bags and books, a traditional sink with hot and cold taps, a reliable paper towel dispenser, and that most notable rarity: two-ply toilet paper! Knox College’s first-floor washroom is an irresistible offering.
Victoria College’s Goldring Student Centre Washroom Facilities: ★★★★★
Style/Ambiance: Contemporary
Accessible: Yes
Gender-Neutral Option: Yes
# of Stalls/Urinals: 1-5 (depends on the washroom)
If you’re looking for a place to blast the beast northeast of Queen’s Park, the Goldring Student Centre has a variety of urination stations available, all of which sparkle with cleanliness thanks to the attention of Victoria College’s careful caretaking staff. There are three ideal options in Goldring: two larger multi-stall facilities with automatic taps and chrome-plated doors, and a more understated single-room toilet in the basement commuter lounge. Completely hands-free, Goldring’s larger bathrooms have automatic taps and S-turn hallways instead of doors. Though the automatic soap dispensers may be excessive, when no expense is spared, the results are pleasant. Go to Goldring for the delicate aroma of cleaning products, and leave knowing your experience was perfectly sanitary.
Robarts 8th Floor: ★★★★
Style/Ambiance: Contemporary
Accessible: Yes
Gender-Neutral Option: No
# of Stalls/Urinals: 12
Nestled in the depths of Fort Book, this washroom handles the challenges of frequent visits with grace. Despite a client-base of a lion’s share of UofT students, it maintains a reasonable level of cleanliness. The centerpiece of this experience is the granite slab sink, and the dedicated mirror-and-counter area. Whether the latter is for freshening your Snapple, changing your baby, or simply waiting for a friend, it’s the height of luxury. One might not expect to find such decadence in the Great Peacock given its age and brutalist architecture, but these Robarts bathrooms were recently renovated. So enjoy, but watch out—said renovations don’t extend beyond Floor 10.
Honourable Mentions: Rotman Commerce (all of them are good…every single one), Lash Miller 5th Floor, Bahen Centre Basement, and Con Hall (who knew?)
The BAD/UGLY:
Gerstein Information Centre 1st Floor: ★ ½
Style/Ambiance: Ugly and Smelly
Accessible: No
Gender-Neutral Option: No
# of Stalls/Urinals: 20
Gerstein’s first floor washrooms are across from The Green Beet, which sells some of the nicest smelling tea on campus. Sadly, the washroom itself doesn’t smell anything like the café, which I suppose isn’t unexpected. But what it does smell like is all too awful. Despite its odour and the often-useless taps, the bathroom is impressive for its size. You would think that with all those stalls, you could find a single acceptable and lockable stall, maybe with a hook on the back of the door if you’re lucky. Turns out, size doesn’t matter all that much.
Ramsay Wright Laboratories: ½
Style/Ambiance: Wet
Accessible: No
Gender-Neutral Option: No
# of Stalls/Urinals: 3
The role of a washroom is to provide a safe, clean space in which patrons can relieve themselves. Never before has a washroom failed so miserably to do this. In such an oft-used building, this is a particularly grievous failure. One of the three stalls in the women’s washroom doesn’t flush, and has thus been equipped with an “out of order” sign. Another one doesn’t lock. The final stall’s door must have been punctured, leaving a large ragged hole at about waist-level. Said hole is stuffed with toilet paper. To top that, the floor is consistently covered in water. Further critique unnecessary: this is the most insipid and base parody of a washroom to be found. Be warned, and go find another privy.
Other places to avoid: The Helen Gardiner Phelan Playhouse Washrooms. These are the closest to Café Reznikoff, and may seem like a viable option given Reznikoff’s lack of facilities. Do not fall into this trap.