Shawn Mendes is, unfortunately, not my sustainable king

He sits on a garbage throne of lies and I guess nothing can be truly environmentally friendly in late-stage capitalism? 

As a noted Shawn Mendes enthusiast, I was really excited when King Mendes declared that he is now a “sustainability ambassador”. I thought: “What a fantastic new jewel for my king’s heavy crown.”  

Alas, dear reader, I was led astray.  

You see, King Mendes is actually partnering with Canadian brand Flow Water (that bullshit boxed water brand that you see all the annoyingly rich white girls drinking during lecture—yes, I see you, Courtney, and I resent you). And although King Mendes thinks boxed water is “good” for the environment (as if anything can be GOOD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT these days) boxed water IS BAD!!!!  

Like, okay, if you’re comparing it to a plastic bottle, then Tetra Paks (the kind of “box” that Flow Water comes in) are obviously better—plastic bottles take hundreds of years to break down while Tetra Paks are TECHNICALLY recyclable. So, Flow’s got us there. However, Tetra Paks still CONTAIN PLASTIC! Look at the lids, the lining, the freakin’ plastic wrap it comes in! Yes, King Mendes has told us, his loyal following, that the boxed water he supports and seems to love, is ~*~sustainable~*~ when it is in fact NOT!  

So, what are we to do with his throne of lies? Are we to accept him as a “sustainability ambassador UwU” when he seems to have no understanding of the fallacy of Flow? To King Mendes and Flow’s credit, they’re trying. And don’t we stan a king who tries?  

I did. Until I saw THIS:  

| Starting Friday, @TimHortons will have @ShawnMendes themed cups! Only available if you order a size small and at select locations! pic.twitter.com/8vWvftI5M2

— Shawn Mendes Updates (@MendesCrewInfo) August 28, 2019

SHAWN!!!! JESUS CHRIST all that PLASTIC, the sheer DISPOSABILITY of the CUPS… the WAX LINING!!!!!!!  

I get it Shawn. We all love our Timmies. But the HYPOCRISY. The blatant LIES. I now understand that no one can be perfect. Not even King—no, Mister—Mendes. Nothing can be sustainable in the garbage Anthropocene, I guess. But I thought I had one thing: I thought I had Shawn.