New Victoria College students mistakenly sign up for ‘Orienteering Week’

Victoria College Quad – A fleet of tents were set up in the quad this week for the first annual Victoria College Orientation Week. New Victoria College students spent the days participating in various wilderness sport events and survival training, and spent the nights sleeping in the Victoria College quad. The Strand was sent to investigate this event further. 

The website for the Victoria College Orienteering Week copied the Orientation Week website perfectly. With the inclusion of very small sub-text (fine print, if you will) that clarified that it was not in fact the website for Victoria College Orientation Week, the orienteers had completely disoriented orientation. This was the cause of confusion. A link included in this text will lead readers to a Google Doc containing the week’s schedule, a screenshot of which can be found below: 

The Strand reached out to participants of the Victoria College Orienteering Week to find out more about the activities that occurred during the week. Stephanie Ross, an incoming student, was enthusiastic to speak about her experience to the media to ensure this travesty did not occur again. “First things first, I can’t believe I fell for this,” said Stephanie. “Camping in the Victoria College Quad was not restful, my roommate — tentmate, I guess — did not secure their food up in the trees and we were visited by raccoons all night.” Stephanie was also very confused with UofT President Meric Gertler’s guest lecture on The Geological Composition of UofT. “The presentation was one hour of pictures of salt. Isn’t Meric Gertler supposed to be a geographer? This was highly unprofessional.” 

Anthony Lu, another student participant in the program, was perplexed by the lectures on animal life at Victoria College and the lecture on the Northrop Frye McDonald’s. “The lecture on animals was conducted by a self-proclaimed squirrel expert, and the entire lecture was about squirrels. The other lecture about Northrop Frye is full of delusion. How can a whole university of people commit to the idea that there is a secret Northrop Frye McDonald’s? That’s ludicrous.” 

Leaked documents from the Victoria College Orienteering week indicated that the session titled Orienteering 1: Navigating with Northrop, taught students that the Northrop Frye statue in front of Old Vic was the true centre of the world. Students were taught how to navigate not only the UofTCampus, but the entire world, with the Northrop Frye statue as their reference point. 

The Strand was also able to get its hands on pictures from the event and noticed a lack of Victoria College faculty or staff at the events, except for crude impersonators of President William Robins and Dean of Students Kelly Castle. A keen eye at The Strand was able to notice two smug-looking figures in the background of many photos, who have been recently identified as the real President and Dean of Students of Victoria College, or so they say.