According to The New York Times, Joni Mitchell is “a songwriter and singer of genius who can’t help but make us feel we are not alone.” When I heard her music for the first time at 15, it was precisely this quality that drew me to her. With Joni, I wasn’t alone in my feelings. So naturally, when I was 17 and didn’t want to be alone in my bed, I downloaded Grindr and used Joni Mitchell lyrics in my bio. For some reason, this stuck, and my bio is (and always has been) Joni Mitchell lyrics. I like to switch them up every year or so: “we are stardust,” “too busy being free,” “I’m sending out this signal here,” “where in the city could this boy be?”
This got me thinking that whenever I message someone on Grindr, they are confronted with Canadian music icon, Joni Mitchell. Her lyrics, in this sense, encode each of my hookups. Whether or not my partners are aware, Joni Mitchell is there—a spectre, a muse, a footnote in the history of our sex.
I would guess that most of the men I sleep with are unaware of Joni’s presence. My casual sex partners are, however regretfully, usually closeted hyper-masc guys. They probably read these lyrics and think they are just sad-boi-Tumblr-fodder appropriated for Grindr. To clarify, I am not particularly drawn to this faction of the queer community; I just seem to have something they like. Maybe it’s Joni. Up until recently, I did not know.
Curious journalist that I am, however, I sought to find out. What follows is a record of my exchanges with a few of my sex partners surrounding this issue:
Exchange 1: DomTop4[peach emoji]
Me: Hey, I was just curious if you knew that my Grindr bio is a Joni Mitchell lyric. If you did know, how has that affected our exchange? If this is news to you, how do you feel about Joni Mitchell’s allusive status in our sex?
DomTop4[peach emoji]: Shut up faggot. Can you host tonight? Need to be drained.
Exchange 2: SportyMascDiscrt
Me: Hey, I was just curious if you knew that my Grindr bio is a Joni Mitchell lyric. If you did know, how has that affected our exchange? If this is news to you, how do you feel about Joni Mitchell’s allusive status in our sex?
SportyMascDiscrt: What are you talking about? Don’t message me now. I’m with my girlfriend.
Exchange 3: BigMember[eggplant emoji]
Me: Hey, I was just curious if you knew that my Grindr bio is a Joni Mitchell lyric. If you did know, how has that affected our exchange? If this is news to you, how do you feel about Joni Mitchell’s allusive status in our sex?
BigMember[eggplant emoji]: Didn’t know. Don’t like her books, but watched Handmaid’s Tale.
Comments are closed.