Life in Ontario is stressful right now. The days are getting colder, the second wave is raging, and James and I spend most of our time in our respective rooms. We all need a dopamine boost.
That is why I photoshopped bad photos of us on top of famous Toronto sites. It’s the Stranded article you need and deserve.
Photoshop Site #1: The CN Tower
Original image source: Vive USA
Starting off strong here with Toronto’s most notable landmark, the gracious CN Tower. She used to be the tallest building in the world, for about a grand total of five months (don’t quote me on this; it’s conjecture), but now, she just sends broadcasting waves into the flat plain we call the Greater Toronto Area.
I don’t know about James, but I haven’t been here in a long time. I think the last time was for my cousin’s birthday dinner about five years ago. We went to the 360 degrees rotating restaurant, which is fun because you see every view of the 6ix, but not so fun when you realise that the food is low quality and overpriced.
Site #2: Riverdale Farm
Original image source: Riverdale Farm
James is an urban farmer, because he is a good, wholesome grandson and cares about global food supply chains, like any conscientious developmental economist. So, I decided to give him a virtual tour of Riverdale Farm in East York. We go for a Zoom walk with my dog, Barley, who is not only the Best Boy to Have Ever Graced My Life, but is an Instagram influencer (@barleythebern) as well. James has never met Barley in real life—a veritable travesty, but understandable, given the unprecedented times we are living in.
Riverdale Farm is good because it has lots of cute animals, like goats and sheep. It is small and pastoral and overlooks the Don Valley. You get some sick views of the city. Last time I was here, I was in high school and got a terrible rash because my friends and I decided to roll down the hill. It turns out that I am allergic to grass. Sixteen-year-old me was NOT having a good time. Anyway, on to the next one.
Site #3: Victoria College
Original image source: McLuhan Galaxy
James lives here. I used to spend every day here—until COVID hit and I became too scared to go to campus. Great college. We both miss Caffiends dearly. Every morning, I wake up and make my stupid little coffee with oat milk and honey just to restore some semblance of my former life and regain a sense of normalcy.
Site 4: Fort York
Original image source: Pinterest
Have you been here before, Stranded Editor James Hannay? I think my Dad brought me here when I was little¬¬—I honestly cannot remember. Last week, I visited Fort York for the first time in years. Nobody was wearing masks because the demographic in this area can only be described as young , gentrified, and pretentious. I liked the park, but I could not STAND the people.
Site 5: White squirrel at Trinity Bellwoods Park
Original image source: The Beaverton
Fun fact: Albino squirrels tend not to fare well in the wild. However, the white squirrels in Trin Bellwoods are so well-fed that they have lived in this park for generations. They are healthy and fearless (God, I wish that were me) and they have no qualms about coming up to you to beg for food. They’re so cute, I really respect their shameless energy.
The café across the street is named after them and they serve a killer latte. I visited it with my friends in Summer 2019, and it was so nice. I miss them—the squirrels, not my friends. Jokes, I miss my friends a lot and want to give them big hugs but cannot. James will like the squirrels too. He has already met the friends I’m talking about, so that won’t be a problem.
Site 6: Mayor John Tory’s flat at Bedford Road
Original image source: Strata
Our last stop on this virtual tour of Toronto is Mayor John Tory’s house! Here we are, superimposed on top of his apartment. You can tell it’s a nice place to live, because the first floor is a Starbucks. Across the street, you have St. George station and Tim Horton’s, the bastion of Canadiana.
And that’s it, folks! Thank you for joining Stranded Editor James Hannay and myself on this e-tour of the city; I hope it sparked some joy in your quarantine lives. Stay safe out there, and I hope you bear the Canadian winter well. I know I’m not mentally ready for negative temperatures, so it’s definitely going to take a lot of adjusting and staying in my room. Bye!
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