One of the more controversial premieres at the Toronto International Film Festival is the historical drama Stonewall, directed by Roland Emmerich. Based on the Stonewall Riots of 1969 that were foundational to the LGBT civil rights movement, the film has come under fire for not casting any trans actors or actresses as major trans characters, in addition to the overall historical inaccuracy and erasure of the presence of non-white and trans people in the events. Due to Stranded’s lifetime ban from TIFF for staging an incendiary “Free The IKEA Monkey” protest during a screening of Philomena in 2013, we will not be able to offer a review of Stonewall. Instead, we shall look into the past of Roland Emmerich himself by assessing the historical accuracy of each of his directorial outings, as well as writing a predictive review of Stonewall.
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Stargate (1994)
Premise: Using a wormhole device created by the aliens who built the pyramids, a team of scientists and soldiers travels to a world ruled by the Egyptian sun-god Ra and battle for the fate of the planet’s slaves. The President of the United States is not portrayed onscreen.
Accuracy: While generally honest in its explanation of aliens enslaving humanoids to build pyramids, the Ra of the film is depicted as the enslaver but in actuality was the emancipator. Ra’s voice is also modified to be several octaves lower than it was in reality. Steven Spielberg corrected both these errors in the 2012 sequel Lincoln.
Grade: C-
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Independence Day (1996)
Premise: A global alien invasion wipes out much of the earth’s population until a team of scientists, soldiers, and the President of the United States rally and destroy the Mothership with an Apple Powerbook and a nuclear missile. The President of the United States, Thomas J. Whitmore, is portrayed onscreen by Bill Pullman.
Accuracy: The major fault with this movie isn’t within the movie at all, but rather the bizarre cultural delusion that Will Smith says “Welcome to Earf” after punching an alien in the face. He doesn’t. He says “Welcome to Earth.” It is hard to understand how anyone misheard him. Other than that, intensely accurate.
Grade: A+++
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Godzilla (1998)
Premise: Godzilla does his thing, but in New York City. A team of scientists and soldiers respond. I have heard this movie is terrible. The President of the United States, The Mayor of New York City, is portrayed onscreen by Michael Lerner.
Accuracy: Look, I didn’t watch this as a kid and I’m not going to just so I can confirm it is terrible. Go read the Roger Ebert review, he’s pretty funny. #RIPRogerEbert
Grade: ?/10
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The Patriot (2000)
Premise: Braveheart and The Joker win the American Revolutionary War against their hated rival, Lucius Malfoy, largely by themselves. The President of the United States, George Washington, is portrayed onscreen by Terry Layman.
Accuracy: Sure, it attributes Nazi atrocities to the Redcoats, largely ignores slavery, and follows a fictional protagonist who is an amalgamation of a few historical figures minus their glaring faults, but this movie also gets basic things any human could understand wrong. For instance, the sun rises and sets in the same spot on a beach and Lincoln is on money before he would have been born. The only interesting historical debate The Patriot has inspired is whether or not the invention of film can still be seen as positive given that it eventually led to The Patriot.
Grade: Worst Ever
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The Day After Tomorrow (2004)
Premise: The planet is plunged into a new Ice Age after a series of violent superstorms heralded too late by a group of scientists. Dennis Quaid and his son survive thanks to Wendy’s. Two Presidents of the United States, ??? Blake and ??! Becker, are portrayed onscreen by Perry King and Kenneth Welsh respectively.
Accuracy: This film is partially responsible for the emergence of the kind of people who say “Global warming, huh? Seems cold to me,” so it hasn’t held up well. However, the movie is based on excerpts from The Coming Global Superstorm, a non-fiction book from 1999. However, those excerpts are speculative passages on what sort of catastrophes climate change could lead to. However, obviously, this hasn’t happened, and few climate scientists are still predicting a new Ice Age. However, I also did not see this movie.
Grade: 1.5 stars
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10,000 BC (2008)
Premise: I could try to remember this but I’d probably end up confusing a lot of plot details with Eragon and/or Year One. I saw a lot of bad movies in junior high, ok? The President of the United States, William Howard Taft, is portrayed onscreen by a CGI sabretooth tiger.
Accuracy: To be fair, the movie’s title is ambiguous and could mean the film takes place simultaneously in any and all of the hundred centuries preceding Christ. If this is the case, many of the things depicted on screen did technically exist at some point! If not, hoo boy: this is like if The Flintstones and the first bit of the intro to The Big Bang Theory had a baby that Vin Diesel carried to term.
Grade: ∞/0
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2012 (2009)
Premise: The “Apocalypse” “predicted by” “the Mayan calendar” causes impossible levels of destruction across the globe. A series of arks containing scientists and soldiers preserve humanity, including John Cusack and his son Noah. The President of the United States, Thomas Wilson, is portrayed onscreen by Danny Glover.
Accuracy: Surely you were alive in 2012 and read one of the many pieces explaining why the claim that the Mayan calendar predicted an apocalypse is incredibly sketchy. Also everyone in this movie is annoying as hell, so I declare any of them surviving to be inaccurate. The only appeal this movie had was that it would be like a sequel to Independence Day but now we’re getting one next year so what’s the friggin’ point?
Grade: IDK
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Anonymous (2011)
Premise: An exploration of the claims that William Shakespeare not only did not write any of his plays, but couldn’t read or write at all, and is responsible for the deaths of all of his contemporaries and also JFK. The President of the United States was not portrayed onscreen, or was he? Maybe that guy in that scene like a half hour in maybe he was the real president you don’t know, what even is history really???
Accuracy: Most of the people in this movie were actually people, so in a way it’s the most historically accurate Roland Emmerich movie to date.
Grade: Illuminati Symbol
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White House Down (2013)
Premise: Die Hard, but in the White House. Channing Tatum saves the president and only strips twice. The President of the United States, James Sawyer, is portrayed the hell out of by Jamie Foxx.
Accuracy: I like this one!
Grade: Fine
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Stonewall (2015)
Speculated Premise: Seen through the eyes of a fictional character, the infamous Stonewall Superstorm of the 1960s Or Whenever threatens to destroy every person in the LGBT community across the United States. A team of scientists, soldiers, and Presidents of the United States travel back in time and/or into space to blow up the Mayans or the Egyptians or something like that. Now saved, the United States enters an unprecedented era of equality and liberty. The President of the United States, Tupac Shakur, will be depicted onscreen by a hologram.
Speculated Accuracy: This movie will not be accurate.
Grade: Do not pay money to watch this movie.
Image courtesy of Roadside Attractions.
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