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Earlier this week, Straight Boy™ and Stranded staff writer Max “Silly Nickname” Nisbeth watched Queer Eye for the first time. He cried through the last fifteen minutes of the first episode, as we all did, and spoke to these reporters after the fact. “All I can think about is Antoni not being able to cook,” he said. “I’m also thinking about how he’s a weird American version of Christian Bale.” FIRST OF ALL, Antoni is CANADIAN. SECOND, he is a culinary GENIUS. THIRD, he’s SMOKING HOT.
Antoni serves as Food and Wine Expert for the new reboot of this iconic lifestyle makeover show. Suffice to say he’s earned half of that title, and then some! Jumping right into episode two, Antoni teaches sad-homebody-of-the-week Neal to make a saucy grilled cheese for a crowd. And girl, that cheese was grilled for the Gods. Many were skeptical that grilled cheese could be gourmet, but Antoni rises to the challenge, and apparently all it takes is a little bit of leek (?) and excessive use of mayonnaise!
The real shining moment of the season was Antoni’s “clean eating salad” from episode three. A salad, composed entirely of avocado and grapefruit! Can you believe it!? Fresh AF!!! Honestly, 2018 was a big year for fruit and gay men. You know what we’re talking about—Elio’s innovative method for pitting a peach. And truly, there’s nothing we’d like to see more than Antoni recreating the peach scene from Call Me by Your Name with a grapefruit, a bit of avocado, and a light and easy-to-make grapefruit vinaigrette. Do I hear a Netflix Special? Antoni is such an avoDADDYo. He makes us melt like a hot pan of queso fundido. And if that weren’t enough, just wait for the season finale, “Hose Before Bros” featuring Antoni and a whole house of sexy firemen slurping down fire trucks full of $5 hot dogs and…
Okay, so maybe he can’t cook, maybe he can. One thing’s for sure, he can get a helpless straight man to make a dish his friends and family will actually eat. That, and his jawline, biceps, and the cutest giggle that just makes me weak in the knees, well, good enough for me. Good enough for me. We believe in you, Antoni.
Illustration | Yilin Zhu
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Hello. And Bye.