Happy September to all my frosh people and thrifty gals alike! It’s me again, your favourite blogger, vlogger, and Instagram/Facebook/LinkedIn/OnlyFans influencer, Ashlynn K8telynn Kaylee Page Smith-Houser the Third.
This month’s edition of the blog is a Big Welcum Back to my old faves and my new faves. Some of you I don’t actually like some of you, but you know who you are, hehe. (That backstabbing b*ttmunch Rachel better not come at me. I know where you live, you Doc Martens-licker). (She lives at Bloor and Coxwell but don’t worry, I would NEVER disclose her location on Victoria College’s best and brightest newspaper, lol! That would be RUDE and unethical, and that SO isn’t something I’d do, haha)!
Anywho, as the days grow colder and the pandemic rages on, I thought I’d give you folks a little tour of the place I’ve called home for the past 20 years of my life. That’s right, the birthplace of Western civilization and the greatest place in the world: the big and beautiful raccoon-infested City of Toronto.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But Ash, TDot is SO expensive. How could I ever afford that?” Never fear, Strandees! I am ultra-prepared. I have the Top 5 Thriftiest Spots in Toronto to Take Your Unaware Non-City Friends Who are Probably from Peterborough or Some Other Podunk Place in the Middle-of-Nowhere Ontario Like That.
Top 5 Thriftiest Spots in Toronto to Take Your Unaware Non-City Friends
1. Ding Dong Pastries, Chinatown
Mm, the name sounds delicious and Not Sexual At All. Why not put some ding in your dong and buy some buns from this legendary Chinese bakery on Spadina? Most of their baked goods are priced at 50 cents and, if I remember correctly, they sell Hong Kong iced tea and Vitasoy. Don’t quote me on that, though; last time I went was a couple days before their second health code violation in four months. Toronto Public Health must have The Dong on their blacklist.
COST: Less than $1.00 per bun
VIBE CHECK: 69/10
PERSONAL ANECDOTE: When I was in first year, I went to Double D with a bunch of classmates who would later become good friends. One month later, they were shut down due to more health code violations. My friend David commented an emotional and moving eulogy on BlogTO’s Facebook article, lamenting the death of this legendary spot. He got nearly 10 likes! Today, the bakery has been resurrected and is better than ever. I want to say that it’s all thanks to David, but let’s face it—Ding Dong is indestructible.
2. Future Bakery, the Annex
ALL YOU CAN EAT PIEROGIES. WEDNESDAY NIGHTS. That’s all I have to say about this one.
COST: $13.75
VIBE CHECK: 7/10 because you’ll eat so much you’ll puke.
PERSONAL ANECDOTE: Two of my friends came here often (pre-pandemic) to have pierogi eating competitions. Once we brought another, newer friend along (I won’t disclose his name for moral reasons), and he got very sick. He is weak. He needs to improve his pierogi-inhaling skills.
3. That really strange bookstore in an Annex basement
I forgot the name of this place, but it’s beside the Bloor Street Bulk Barn. It’s also near the hemp clothing store with the weed signs all over it. For the life of me, I can’t remember its name… it sounds like something out of Dungeons and Dragons. This bookstore is high-key more affordable than the BMV, but there’s just something off about it… they sell A LOT of occult and new-age books, plus there’s an entire wall dedicated to Noam Chomsky’s works. The staff look kind of goth and don’t acknowledge you when you walk in (nothing out of the ordinary here). There are also some cute Toronto history books, which don’t fit the aesthetic of the rest of the shop at all.
COST: I was too distracted by the occult items to document prices.
VIBE CHECK: Good because it’s weird and cheap. Vibes are off, though. Like, I was trying to vibe there, but the vibes were almost TOO strong, y’know? I couldn’t handle it. There is a comfort threshold for vibes and this store exceeds it.
PERSONAL ANECDOTE: I went here with Joey. Honestly, I can’t remember much about this store because the vibes were just so weird. I do remember him telling me that linguists make fun of Noam Chomsky’s linguistic theories, so that part I can recount.
4. Bruh, I’m only on #4? Man, this is taking me so long to write. Pausing for a bubble tea break.
Intermission: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaXgCzGah3E. By the way, most of these options are food-related ‘cos I’m hungry and it’s almost dinner time.
4 (real). Sonic Boom, Chinatown
Not gonna lie, I’m tired of “indie” kids acting like they “discovered” Sonic Boom and that they are the “first” to do so. HOWEVER. The first floor used record bins have some SWEET DEALS and you can find some truly phenomenal albums, if you dig hard enough.
COST: New records are typical vinyl store prices, but the bin bois are less than $5.
VIBE CHECK: sweeeeeet
PERSONAL ANECDOTE: I got a Wet Hair record for $2 and it came with a Secret Collaged Zine hidden inside the sleeve. Best deal of my life. #BinBois4ever
5. Any Korean restaurant in Koreatown (the basement ones are good.)
Regrettably don’t remember any of their names because they’re all called, like, “Happy Happy Clover” or “Sunshine Pig Village Restaurant.” That being said, I love Korean food and I love Koreatown and this list would have been remiss without a shoutout to one of my favourite Toronto neighbourhoods. SOONDUBU JJIGAE, BABY.
COST: ~$10
VIBE CHECK: $10/10
PERSONAL ANECDOTE: Been going for lunch in Koreatown since Grade 10, so you know it’s good. Lots of good memories. Good vibes. Love it.
SPECIAL: Honest Ed’s, the Annex
R. I. P. to a Toronto icon. I miss him,,,. It always smelled like plastic and linoleum in there. And the scent of deteriorating acidity, the type you can only find in low quality dollar stores. My dad bought his first suit from Honest Ed’s in 1982. Been around for a long time / now gone / sorely missed. “There’s no place like this place, any place.” 15/10
And there you have it! My 6ixlist for September 2020! Hope you like it. Until next time, Strandees! xx Ashlynnn
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