If you haven’t seen Tangled then fuck off
How do you find love in 2019? According to my therapist, the reason you feel a “spark” isn’t because soulmates are real; it’s because that person is familiar to you—you have common interests and shared goals for the future. But what does she know?
The most important question to ask yourself before pursuing a new love interest is this:
does this person’s desire to go to Disneyland equal your desire to go to Disneyland?
Last year, as an homage to the Into the Woods theme, I brought my stuffed toy Pascal (the chameleon from Tangled) with me to Highball. Upon entrance, the security guard asked me what I was hiding in there and was very shocked that I was not trying to smuggle drugs in with me but was actually paying homage to Tangled. The point I’m trying to make here is that I would NOT date that guy.
I do admit there are a lot of issues with Disneyland. Walt Disney is one shitty little man. I would NOT date him. Fuck that guy. But that doesn’t mean I don’t dream of someday waking up next to someone I love, going to eat waffles shaped like Mickey Mouse, and spending the day riding on Splash Mountain and making fun of the Hall of Presidents. Yes, capitalism exists and is bad or whatever, but I think what matters most is finding someone who is willing to suspend their disbelief enough to get our initials embroidered on Mickey ears (…okay, maybe that’s taking it a little bit too far).
On the other hand, if you do not want to go to Disneyland, DO NOT date someone who really wants to go to Disneyland. You might convince yourself that you would do anything for this person and it’s really not that big of a deal, but I fully believe that if you do not share the same interest in Disneyland, you do not have the necessary core values to make it as a couple.
To quote Roxane Gay (I WOULD date her) in her book about the politics of Disneyland, “We should be able to say “this is my truth” and have that truth stand without a hundred clamouring voices shouting, giving the impression that multiple truths cannot exist.” I believe the best way to find love in 2019 is to find someone whose truths are equal to yours. For me, those truths are, “Lady and the Tramp implies the way to fix the class divide is a romanticization of the Other instead of the abolition of class as a whole” and “I really want to recreate the spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp.” Those truths can both exist. And love can exist—in Disneyland, or outside of it.