In a world full of personality identifiers (ex. astrology, enneagrams, MBTI tests) it can be hard to know who you actually, authentically are. That’s why we’ve come up with the most definitive way to know who someone is: analyzing what media they enjoy (or in this case, don’t enjoy). Search for your favourite hate-watches below, and find out what they say about you!
F.R.I.E.N.D.S.: This is the crème de la crème of hate-watches. Inside you there are two wolves: one that understands that F.R.I.E.N.D.S. is a universally beloved show, and the other that wants so desperately to set yourself apart. How are you going to feel ashamed of liking a show that everyone loves? You want to march to the beat of your own drum. You are unpredictable. Unchallenged. You contain multitudes. You are a total Phoebe.
Rick & Morty: You are a liar. I bet you actually, genuinely enjoy this show. If you really love it, stop pretending you hate it; people are going to find out anyway. Just let it be your messed-up little comfort show. Live authentically.
Bojack Horseman: Hate-watching this means one of two things: 1) You went on one too many dates with someone who liked this show and had them try to explain the whole thing to you including the “greater and realistic” themes of mental illness, addiction, isolation, and morality; or 2) You would fuck a horse. Don’t worry—we won’t tell anyone!
Any Bo Burnham Special: You don’t want therapy, you want to be told to go seek therapy by one of your friends—maybe the cool one who works in a pottery store and hasn’t seen Inside. She is the one who recommended half the things you like to you, like Phoebe Bridgers, and Mitski, and iced lattes with oat milk. She always seems ahead of the curve. If she told you to go to therapy it would be funny, unlike when your mom says it seriously.
Minecraft YouTubers: You’re a jealous person. I know that you don’t hate TommyInnit, but rather want to be him so badly. If you could, you would go back in time to slap your younger self in the face and tell them to start making YouTube videos, stat. You desire the same kind of attention and adoration that these
barely adults get from their millions of fans. Who can blame you, though? Who wouldn’t want to earn money while playing games with their friends?
Sex and the City: It’s not a hate-watch if you enjoy it. Just move to New York.
Youtuber Drama: You are a total N to the O to the S Y W O R M! Nosy worm! You are too involved in other people’s personal lives. Instead of watching someone else’s insane drama online—just get embroiled in your own! Start arguments with people today: all the same fun, with more consistent updates and a juicy Choose-Your-Own-Adventure type spin!
Squid Game: You’re trying your best. You can’t handle the look of despair and the berating comments you get when you tell your co-worker, “No, I haven’t seen it.” Maybe you don’t enjoy capitalist commentary, or prefer more light-hearted fare, but alas, your duties as a member of modern society call and you must watch Squid Game. Hang in there, it’s only nine episodes. And besides, after watching you can confidently tell your friends and foes that you genuinely did not enjoy it.