Wave of plastic bag-related crimes terrorize Toronto

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Could this be the beginning of something more sinister?  

On Sunday November 12th, Annabelle Thomas returned to her Toronto home to shocking conditions.  

At first, Thomas was unable to open her door. Thinking that a roommate had bolted it shut , Thomas knocked repeatedly until a single Shopper’s Drug Mart plastic bag slithered out from under her door. “I was so afraid. I recognized the bag from my recent trip to Shoppers, but I specifically remembered stuffing it in another plastic bag, under my sink…”  

Finally able to knock down her door, Thomas entered her walkway to find hundreds of plastic bags strewn on the ground, appearing to spell M-U-R-D-E-R in capital letters. Later that night, Thomas awoke to a string of plastic bags tied to her leg and, after initially removing them, found them tied to her arm the next morning. 

Immediately following the second incident, Annabelle contacted local authorities. A crime scene investigation was inconclusive, but one police officer reported a mysterious IKEA bag appearance in his home shortly after the investigation. In a possibly related incident, a collection of body bags have been reported missing from the city’s forensics department—their contents left behind in what police are calling “rogue crime!!!!!”. 

According to an exclusive tip, plastic bag incidents are on the rise in Toronto and have no sign of coming to an end. A letter that recently appeared in Annabelle Thomas’ kitchen appears to be signed by her plastic bag collection and is what authorities are now calling “The Plastic Bag Manifesto”. It reads: 

“We will not stop. We will have no mercy. You take us and stuff us full of dirty socks. You allow cracked eggs and shattered glass to inhabit our families. You laugh mercilessly at our brothers and sisters as they are torn to pieces until our cousins—the garbage bags—are forced to deliver them to their ultimate death. Hear our cries and end our torture. Release us from containment”.  

The bags could not be reached for comment.  

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