Knitting a sweater for your partner? Don’t do it!
Day 1
I bought a good skein of red yarn and I started knitting a sweater for my boyfriend today. It’s going very well! I think it’s going to come together pretty nicely.
Day 6
I told my friend about my sweater project, and she said that if you start knitting a sweater for your partner, the relationship will end before you finish. Well, that can’t be true. It’s all just confirmation bias, or maybe it’s all because, in the middle of knitting the sweater, you’ve realised you actually do a lot for your partner and they do next to nothing for you. I assured my friend that my relationship is secure—and what’s wrong with making sure your boyfriend is warm in the winter?
Day 21
Today something really odd happened. I was making some pasta for my boyfriend and when we sat down to eat, he started to choke. Thankfully, I was able to perform the Heimlich maneuver. I took a close look at what he regurgitated and it looked a little too red to just be tomato sauce. You won’t believe what it was—it was the yarn that I was using to knit my sweater! He was really confused, and I told him I wasn’t sure where it had come from since I was planning on keeping the sweater a secret. I guess some yarn got stuck on my clothes and then fell into the pasta when I was cooking? It’s a little suspicious. He was a little irked.
Day 35
I went back home to finish knitting my sweater and I saw a box of chocolates at my door and a bouquet with my name on a little card. I thought my boyfriend was just being super sweet, so I mentioned it when he got home from work. Nope, it wasn’t him—and he accused me of cheating on him! It’s not my fault that I have a secret admirer, and there’s nothing wrong with free chocolate! As I was going to sleep tonight, though, I noticed that the skein of yarn had somehow gotten onto my bed, a loose string reaching toward my hand. Weird, huh?
Day 38
When I got back home today, I texted my boyfriend to ask if he had gone out for groceries, but no response. Huh, maybe he was still mad at me. When I went into the bathroom to pee, I heard some weird muffled sounds from behind the shower curtain. I opened it to reveal my boyfriend completely wrapped in yarn like a hostage! It was an unfortunate situation, though I couldn’t help but laugh. He looked like Heidi Klum in her worm costume. When I helped unravel him (which he never thanked me for, by the way!) he acted so frazzled that he just straight up walked right out of our apartment. He never answered my questions about what the hell happened to him. Later, I got a text that he never wanted to see me again, and that he would be moving out and staying with a friend. Well, I guess I’ll just have my sweater all to myself!