1. ¿Holy guacamole, is that my face?
*faint gasp of disgust*
Yo, the angle at which I watch shit on my phone is actually disgusting. And my hair is always in some sort of a weird top-bun that looks like a beehive that a bear got ahold of. I feel bad for my FBI agent who has to stare at me for four hours straight as I stress-watch shows while stuck in a perpetual state of being five lectures behind in four out of my six courses.
2. Oh fuck, I’ve been on this app for hours
With each millisecond that passes, the accidental eye contact I make with myself evolves into a raging staredown of confrontation. The mile-long list of all my commitments start carouseling in my head. “OH GOD, I HAVE SO MANY DEADLINES, I NEED TO GET OFF THIS APP. AHHHH, I’M SUCH A LOZER,” I whisper to myself lovingly. It’s also dark outside now for absolutely no reason. As if my own death glare wasn’t enough, the full moon’s big-ass white face is also staring into my soul. Turns out, its nosey ass was watching me this whole time. As it was rising in the east, it witnessed that stupid Instagram notification that kick-started my distraction spiral, and now it’s absolutely going off at me with the most degrading insults as it sets in the west. Honestly, I kinda deserved it… . Alright, time to finish THAT ONE REALLY IMPORTANT THING THAT PEOPLE ARE COUNTING ON ME TO DO!
3. Nahhhh, one more won’t hurt (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
*continues watching the twentieth consecutive episode of Parks and Rec (plz, you can’t blame me—it started playing by itself)*
(Spoiler alert: it always hurts. It hurts like a pinky toe smushed against the leg of an armchair. Oh, it hurts like pumpkin spice-flavoured soap suds in your eyes. Indeed, it hurts like lemon-scented hand sanitizer in ur papercut.)
That’s funny, you thought I’d actually start my work. aHA. It’s only 12:34 am! Like many struggling undergrads, I’ve reached a point in my life where I have zero ounces of self-discipline left. It seems like I love to say “SCREW YOUUU” to myself and crush my own hopes and dreams. My reflection has already flipped the bird at me, like, six times too. Sigh. I should join a bootcamp or something after uni instead of applying to professional school. Hmm, yeah—that sounds fruitful. But for now, I’ll continue staring at a screen :)
4. (ALTERNATIVE TO ALL OF THE ABOVE)
If the show was really good and the ending hit deep, I like to gaze into the kind eyes of the familiar girl in the reflection and, you know, maybe ponder about my state of being, or puzzle over all the choices I’ve made that led me to this moment. Also, should l get Disney+ so that I can finally experience Hamilton??