[puts on Princess Diana-esque voice] I think, in 2124, people will be more metallic…
I’ve been obsessed with that one video of the kids in the ‘60s giving their predictions for the year 2000. Robotic judges, flying cars, breakfasts in pills, the world melting, overpopulation, machine-dominated societies, boring lifestyles…come to think of it, they might’ve hit the nail on the head. I would even venture the theory that they time-travelled and merely reported their discoveries.
I like to believe that I might have those same predictive talents and thus decided to shoot my shot at predicting the state of the world 100 years from now—in 2124.
- Headphone ears
Not to sound like a Lamarckian evolutionist, but I feel like ears could evolve to extend over the head and fuse into one, to form a headphone-like structure that enables us to better hear through the BS our situationships spew when they explain why they can’t respond to our messages earlier than in five business days’ time. That’s what I call an efficient adaptation to stressful environments.
- Mega hands
With the advent of Stanley cups and ever-enlarging phones, I think people will slowly develop large hands to be able to simultaneously handle their Stanleys, the new iPhone Mega Deluxe Maxi Pros, lip balms, and wallets. It’s a hard life we live.
- Hook shoulder
I always joke that my tote bag will be the surefire cause behind a scoliosis diagnosis if I ever (universe forbid) develop it, but I would like to put forth another equally viable outcome of exclusively exercising my right shoulder daily—hook shoulder (see Figure 1 reference). That shoulder will be best equipped for the handling of tote bags, while the other will, potentially, become vestigial…Tote bag slippage no more!
- Built-in brain fact-checkers
My biggest pet peeve is influencers on social media suddenly coming out with biology degrees and advocating for drinking unpasteurized milk, eating meat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and God knows what else. I don’t know about you, but I personally am not down to contract Salmonella on a Tuesday morning (please only drink pasteurised milk please). These accounts pose yet another obstacle to the progress of our species, and it only makes sense that selection forces will favour the development of automatic fact-checkers in our frontal lobes to avoid information that will potentially keep us in the bathroom for a long, long time. Yikes.
- Lastly, just for our beautiful Stranded editor Celena, humans will develop four extra sets of robotic arms.
It’s hard work trying to watch a lecture and take notes but also complete the Mini Crossword, solve the Wordle, crochet birthday gifts for our friends, paint our nails, and meal prep ALL AT THE SAME TIME. To maximise our individual efficiency while not needing to extend the 24-hour day, we will have to invest in extra sets of robotic arms with snazzy features that allow for multi-function use at all times of the day (including sleep, because the grind never stops.)
I’ll come back to this article when I’m 90 and see what progress we’ve made. I’ll keep you posted, my dear friends! The future carries some exciting new developments for us to look forward to. For now, however, let’s survive the trudge to classes through these double-digit sub-zero temperatures in one piece, if there is any hope of seeing my predictions come to fruition.