I didn’t watch it ‘cause it was too scary
Alex: It’s that special time of year, everyone: time to spook and scare, time to shovel candy into your face until your teeth rot, and time to pretend you’re an expert on all things Halloween. Screw your GPA—if anyone finds out I haven’t seen Ghostbusters, they’ll think I’m a real idiot. Is The Nightmare Before Christmas a Christmas or Halloween movie? Better question, is it even a movie? I wouldn’t know, because I haven’t seen it!
But all of that is completely unrelated to today’s summary of Stranger Things, because that’s a show I’ve DEFINITELY seen, hahahaha. What kind of idiot hasn’t seen Stranger Things, right? *Ahem*… let’s begin:
In season one, we’re introduced to ‘the boys.’ They like Dungeons & Dragons, bicycles, and the 80s. Then there’s the Demogorgon, which is one of the weird CGI monsters that are too scary for me. That’s about all I know, actually, but Faith has definitely seen the show and can totally tell you more!
Faith: Thanks, Alex! Yes, of course I’ve seen Stranger Things. It’s definitely my favourite show. I’m summarizing it for you guys, because YOU are the ones who haven’t seen it… not me…
Okay, let’s begin. In episode one, the kid with the mushroom haircut goes missing. Poor guy. Some sort of monster (Demogorgon? Idk, but it’s slimy and looks very menacing) corners him in a shed and then the screen flashes black and then he’s… gone. And his mom is UPSET. Like, beside herself. She goes to the police, but they’re kinda useless, so the boyz take it upon themselves to find him.
Then, somehow, we meet Eleven. She’s a funky lil’ lady. She doesn’t talk much, but she really likes to eat waffles. And honestly? Same. She’s also in a hospital gown a lot of the time, but she somehow rocks it?? Like, absolute SLAY. She could be in Vogue. OH, and she’s always talking about “papa.” I have no idea who he is, but I don’t think he’s her actual dad.
Some stuff happens, and the mushroom haircut kid comes back. Then there are some new characters, one with red hair named Max (??) who is actually named Sadie, so I’m just gonna call her Sadie. Poor Sadie lady—she gets GOT by Vecna, another scary CGI monster. (Vecna is kind of a jerk.) Also, apparently the guy with the blond hair (Google says his character’s name is Henry??) is actually in the Vecna suit. Two characters for the price of one—double whammy! Anyway, Sadie is really ~goin’ thru it~ because Vecna is possessing her and she’s, like, floating and her eyes are rolling back in her head… but fear not, because the magic of Kate Bush saves the day! The squad plops a pair of headphones on Sadie’s noggin, and as soon as the sweet, sweet sound of “Running Up That Hill” fills her ears, she is back! in! business!
There’s also a guy named Steve and this other guy called Eddie. I don’t really know how they factor in, but I know they exist. Oh yeah, and Chrissy! I think she really needs her beauty sleep or something, because Eddie is ALWAYS yelling at her to wake up. (He doesn’t like this.) But silly Chrissy, she just keeps on sleepin’! (Again, same.) Anyway, that’s pretty much it—back to you, Alex!
Alex: My dad says that Netflix trapped him. He was just trying to watch a funny little 80s show and think about the happy times before divorce and taxes, but now he has to watch movie-length episodes about… whatever you call the above… but at least it’s quality content, right? At least it’s a thoughtful work of art to impact your life in a positive light? At least it’s stimulating… RIGHT?
To conclude, Stranger Things is the best show and we’ve all seen it. Except for Breaking Bad maybe, which we’ve also definitely seen…