This just in: VUSAC president Jerico Miguel Brilliantes Raguindin has made an official statement of resignation after being spotted yesterday riding bareback on a horse into the sunset outside the Goldring Student Centre.
Witnesses report that President Raguindin was yelling something about completing his pursuit in the golden horseshoe, and “moo-ing on to bigger and better things.”
The Strand has exclusively acquired the following letter to Victoria University:
“Yeehaw partners,
All the rumours are true, I’ve run away to become a cowboy. I’m done dealing with varmints, I tell ya. I’m done with bootlicking and bellyaching. Horses are much better company. They’re magnificent loyal creatures. Few people know this, but I’ve based my leadership style at VUSAC off of Catherine the Great, and in fact, she’s quite adept at handling horses too, I’ve heard. I’ll always be starry-eyed at VUSAC for teaching me how to corral wild students and calm down annoyed people, giving me the mental fortitude to live in Alberta.
Living my best equestrian life, Buckeye Jer”
Prior to his departure, President Raguindin also made various executive order changes which will affect the Victoria College student body. These include the following mandates:
– Once a month, residence students are required to partake in emergency drills for “Stampede Response Efforts” as well as “Lasso Code of Conduct Training”
– The Victoria College student lounge, The Cat’s Eye, is to rebrand as The Bull’s Eye Saloon – Student fees will be upped 0.4% in order to account for Raguindin’s “Boot Fund”
To some more than others, these changes come unsurprisingly.
A student employee at recently renamed Calf-fiends testifies: “Jerico? A cowboy? I’m not surprised. He tries to be discreet, however I always see him use Ranch dressing on his salads. He doesn’t even like condiments!! He even chooses the Jolly Ranchers from the candy bin outside the VUSAC office.”
Other students are much more sceptical of their President’s new profession:
An anonymous VUSAC council member asserted: “I am not confident Jerico could fit the cowboy lifestyle after holding the position of VUSAC president. He has meetings all day and rarely horses around with us at work. I think it is time he turns the udder cheek and moooves on from his cowboy dreams.”
In a follow-up interview Raguindin commented that he now officially endorses cowgirl as the best sex position known to mankind. He refrained from further elaboration.
This is a developing story. More to come.
