Growing up was the easy part.
University marks the transition from childhood to adult life. Make-believe monsters might not scare you anymore, but these spooky situations will definitely shiver your timbers!
Doing taxes
Your head is spinning with tax form codes. You, yourself, are trapped in one of those tiny cells on a page, waiting to be totaled and sent off. What are you, a business major? No one should be expected to spend money on anything except fun and interesting purchases. Why is merely existing so expensive?!
Applying to a job
Microsoft Word exists specifically and solely to make editing your resume a living hell. How are you meant to fit all of your measly accomplishments onto one page? You open your neglected LinkedIn profile, looking for some inspiration, only to learn that every single one of your classmates is happier and richer than you will ever be. Good luck!
Your exam was this morning, actually
You wake up way later than planned, having studied all night. This is your last exam for the semester and you’re so excited to relax over the holidays! Your phone is dead, so you run out the door to McCaul Street while it charges. Upon arrival, there’s no line. Where is everyone? You frantically ask someone for the time and your heart sinks as low as your grades already have. The exam ended two hours ago, and you are officially doomed. So much for a restful break.
Cracking your phone screen
Get over it, you big baby. We’ve all done it. It still works, doesn’t it? Move on.
Asking a minimum wage worker for oat milk
You walk into the bustling neighborhood café with your sustainably-made tote bag, ready for a relaxing afternoon with a book and an oat milk latte. Dodging a large potted plant, you make your way up to the overworked barista, ready to order your drink and get out of their hair. There is a young mom in the corner with a wailing baby in tow, and a guy on the phone looking stressed-out near the potted plant. The barista doesn’t ask any questions beyond “Cash or card?” and you know it is your duty to ask for oat milk. You hand over your card without a word. Maybe there’s some Lactaid in your bag?
Where Did That Spider Just Go
You swat at the speedy little guy and miss by an inch. It is lost into the void under your bed and will return in a week with its scores of bright-eyed little babies. Even as you shudder, you are grateful this happened outside the shower.
You have 6 missed calls from Mom
You’re dead, sorry. It was nice knowing you. Have fun in the afterlife, if you believe in that!