Recipe corner: How to make six pounds of butter

It’s easier than you think!

Prep time: approximately eight.

What you’ll need: 

• Six pounds of butter (boneless) 
• One pair of dentures, still warm 
• High self-esteem 

Steps: 

1. Count the butter.
2. Carefully place the butter in a dishwasher-safe bowl.
3. Don’t let the baby touch the butter! (This is KEY)
4. Wet the butter until moist. This should take two to three.
5. Scalpel.
6. Don’t forget to breathe; you’re doing great.
7. Oh fuck, youlet the baby touch the butter! Now we have to start all over again. 
8. I’m just kidding, the baby is safe and sound asleep. Everything is fine.
9.  Add walnuts for taste. (Optional)
10.  Serve.

 Pro tip: be sure to count the butter precisely, or else the recipe won’t work.