Amid much fanfare, Pope Francis successfully concluded his first visit to the United States of America last week. The trip was highlighted by an address to both Congress and the UN General Assembly, a visit to a correctional facility, and a Papal motorcade through Central Park. Everyday Americans, the press, and politicians offered praise to His Holiness for his poignant remarks on humanity, the European refugee crisis, and climate change.
Considering these issues’ global nature, many were keen to see who the Pope’s words might inspire for the betterment of the world. Sooner than expected, it seems that one unlikely figure has now stepped forward to collaborate with Pope Francis on a new venture: Alvin Nathaniel Joiner, better known by his stage name Xzibit.
Aside from his musical pursuits, Xzibit is arguably best known as host of the short-lived but beloved MTV program, Pimp My Ride, in which dilapidated vehicles were renovated and customized. Beyond its three-year run, the show spawned three spinoffs based in the UK, Central Europe, and the southern US. The original series was cancelled in 2007, sending Xzibit into years of debt and near-bankruptcy. Toward the bottom of this “dark period in [his] life,” some hope has finally come.
News of the Papal visit prompted an epiphany, or a “pope-piphany, dawg” for Xzibit. Calls were made to the producers of Pimp My Ride International, somehow the only spinoff still going strong due to a die-hard fan base in Bratislava, Slovakia. Fresh off the restoration of a 1972 Ferrari, now equipped with a gelato machine, in Rome, Xzibit recounts his pitch to the crew:
“What if we accomplished the unthinkable? Pimp out da Pope’s Popemobile on a special segment of Pimp My Ride and use that publicity to revive the show stateside? It’s crazy, but we have to try. This will please our old fans, sure, but also maybe heal the American people, you know? Remind them of the value of watching broadcast television surrounded by family in these hard times, what with online streaming services like Netflix, nationwide obesity, and ISIS…just to name a few.”
Miraculously, reactions were positive, and Xzibit and his team received federal funding through the National Endowment for the Humanities Media. The White House has denied rumours that President Obama accidentally green-lit the project, assuming it to be a joke email. More credibly, the Vatican has confirmed participation only if Xzibit and “the original crew: Mad Mike, Big Dane, 2Shae, Ish, everyone” are involved. In his most recent address from the balcony of St. Peter’s, Pope Francis was visibly ecstatic: “Someone in America has finally responded to my prayers…for 24-inch rims.”
Image courtesy of flickr