If you’ve ever watched James Veitch’s incredible TED Talks on responding to scam emails, you probably have an idea of how much fun it can be to (safely) respond to them. It’s become a hobby of mine—giving scammers a taste of their own medicine is a sweet, sweet revenge. Whether it’s a fake Louis Vuitton sale [see Fig. 1]; an Instagram DM asking you to be their muse [see Fig. 2]; or someone attempting to log into the Facebook account you’ve never used, engaging in a little back and forth with your scammers can be a fun pastime when you’re bored. Here are my favorite ways to respond:
Figure 1: Louis Vuitton scam, sent to my email
Figure 2: an actual Instagram DM I’ve received
1. Respond with the same request they have of you.
For instance, in response to the event in Fig. 2, I responded with this:
They get extra confused when you UNO reverse them, and then you can have some fun back and forth, from one (fake) scammer to another (real scammer).
2. Respond in a different language.
You can truly say anything you’d like here. Bonus points if they cannot Google Translate it—for example, when the language must be transliterated into English. I can just imagine the look of desperation on the other side of the screen.
3. This one’s fun: express genuine interest in what they’re offering. Just keep the conversation going for as long as possible, with no end or purpose in sight.
Examples may include:
a. “OMG! So, if I buy this obviously legitimate Louis Vuitton bag for $20, will I still be able to win a dancing pig for my backyard?”
b. “Since you’re such a super talented salesperson, could you write my forty-page thesis to promote my research? I promise you’ll be extra deliciously paid for it.”
c. “What was your childhood like? How do your parents feel about your career as a rising Instagram scam artist?”
d. “What was your imaginary friend like? Did you try promoting this to them?”
e. “Could I show you these funky new dance moves I’ve been practicing?” (Then, Rick Roll them and dip.)
4. Pretend to be an undercover FBI agent and scare the absolute daylight out of them.
For instance: “This is Special Agent X, and your message has been forwarded to our central office of Scam Affairs. Your IP address has been tracked, and you will soon find a team outside your door who will confiscate your access to the Internet. Also, your parents have been contacted, and you are grounded for a year.”
HOWEVER: please don’t take this super seriously, and be safe—scam attacks are real! Do not click any links that look fishy, ever. This is just a silly little list of ways to mess with scam artists for gits and shiggles. Stay safe out there, the internet is a crazy place.