“I am really glad that Apple finally responded to my many complaints about the lack of a left-leaning pen. There is so much discrimination against lefties these days, and it helps to have that sort of representation in emojis.”
“I am very excited about the new update! Now I can finally show my respect to the deceased using a tasteful funeral urn! Yay!”
“Well, the eye one makes it so much easier for me to point out the Illuminati over text message and Instagram, which I do very often. Real eyes, realize, real lies.”
“Just the other day I’s was talkin’ to my buddy, Joe, and I said, ‘Hey Joey, dontcha wish there was a taco emoji?’ Because, like, how great would that be? Oh yeah, we was having tacos and textin’ my wife, that’s important. I don’t just think about emojis all the time, me bein’ a man after all. Anyways, he was like, ‘No way are they gonna make a taco one, dude! The emoji system is so corrupt they’ll probably only be addin’ an avocado for the hippies.’ But I had faith, and whaddya know, a taco emoji! Take that, Joe. He owes me money from poker, anyway. That’s when we had the tacos.”
“I love the wastebasket. It’s a great way to tell my friends they’re trash.”
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