A few weeks ago, I fell into the deep rabbit hole of drama surrounding Prince Harry’s memoir. As someone who has absolutely zero interest in the royal family, everything I have learned about this book has been against my own will. I heard someone say that this book is just a royal family burn book. Now, will I ever actually read this memoir? No, thank you. But it got me thinking, if I were to (ghost)write a memoir, what would I write about?
I like to believe that I have led a very simple life, but I wouldn’t want people to yawn over my book. To spice things up, I’d probably include some of the most embarrassing moments of my life. What follows are some of the stories which I have hidden in the darkest corner of my mind, ones which I believed would never see the light of day. However, I am trying to aim for better content than Harry (side eye). Now, it’s only a matter of which humiliating (or dare I say humbling?) moments I should include in my memoir.
One time, I was coming out of an IKEA, dragging a shopping cart with me and holding one of the infamous ice cream cones in my right hand. It was raining, yet my mood was extremely pleasant. In a blink of an eye, however, everything went downhill (literally). My foot slipped, my cart abandoned me, and I came crashing down. Okay, so I fell in the parking lot. A little bit dramatic, sure—but this isn’t the end. A car stopped in front of me, full of teenage boys, and one of them had the audacity to ask, “Are you alright?” I could feel them laughing at me, despite their silence and awkward stares. The funniest thing about this incident is that it took place only last year.
If that wasn’t cringey enough, then buckle your seatbelts—we’re travelling to the time I almost killed someone with my ~amazing~ driving skills. The first time I went to take my G2 licence test, I was extremely confident. Everything was going super smoothly, and the examiner looked impressed with my abilities. Knowing my luck, however, I was in fact driving towards my own doom. Just as I was about to make a left turn to return back to the starting point, something possessed me (perhaps a devil) and I took the sharpest turn known to mankind. I almost crashed into the car coming from the other direction. In that moment, all my brain cells combusted and I could not slam the brakes in time. The other car somehow stopped, I regained my composure, pressing the brakes before we could crash and die. The examiner failed me. (Shocking.)
And now, a few more incidents that deserve honourable mentions: a cough attack in the middle of lecture with no water while everyone stared at me and falling asleep during an in-person exam (it was a history exam, so this makes sense).
If my suffering will help my book become a bestseller, then I am willing to unleash every embarrassing moment I have encountered in the past twenty-one years.