What Taylor Swift taught me about love
When I was eight years old, I went bowling with my cousins. I didn’t care for bowling, so I started looking for other ways to entertain myself. The alley we were at had televisions hung up above each lane and the one above ours was playing MTV. At first, none of the songs or music videos intrigued me; their flashy colours and pop-synth beats were a little too hype for a quiet and reserved kid like me. That’s when I heard it. Over the thuds of bowling balls knocking pins down and the lively chatter of people, a soft banjo melody followed by a voice as sweet as honey: “We were both young when I first saw you / I close my eyes and the flashbacks start / I’m standing there / On a balcony in summer air.”
Growing up watching Disney movies, “Love Story” encapsulated everything I knew about love: ball gowns, castles, and happy endings. Of course, at eight years old I couldn’t actually relate to anything Taylor was singing about, but her way with words and her emotion in delivering them was enough to make me a fan. I kept listening to her music until the day came when I could really understand her songs on a personal level.
As I grew older, more and more of her music started to make sense to me. The butterflies that take flight when meeting someone infatuating in “Enchanted,” the spiral that follows the inevitable heartbreak in “All Too Well,” and the relief that accompanies letting go in “Clean.”
I’m eighteen now and although a lot has changed in the past decade (like learning that <i>Romeo and Juliet</i> is actually a tragedy… and also that it’s not even a good play), the one constant in my life has been my love for Taylor Swift. She was the reason I started singing and playing the guitar. It was because of her that I began writing songs about the people I loved and the ones who didn’t love me back. Through comparing Taylor’s songs, I’ve found common themes that have taught me lessons about love and life.
Relationships aren’t fairy tales — “Fearless” vs “Cruel Summer”
Many of Taylor’s early songs revolved around a very idealistic version of love; it’s love at first sight and everything about the relationship is perfect. However, romance is seldom ideal, and even in the honeymoon phase, relationships are much more complex than what the rom-coms will have you believe. In the chorus of “Fearless,” Taylor declares, “I don’t know how it gets better than this / You take my hand and drag me headfirst / Fearless / And I don’t know why, but with you I’d dance / In a storm in my best dress / Fearless.” Even though fairy tale love songs like this one are fun, they provide false perceptions of what relationships should look like, and I felt crushed when my experiences didn’t play out the way my younger self had expected them to. I had to learn the hard way that unless your significant other also listens to Taylor Swift, they’re not going to do these romantically ridiculous things. With that being said, you shouldn’t give up on finding whatever “true love” looks like to you because <i>Lover</i> contains its fair share of love songs as well, such as “Cruel Summer.” But, compared to “Fearless,” I think it is a lot more authentic to the roller coaster of emotions we experience when we’re in a relationship. Taylor sings, “Killing me slow, out the window / I’m always waiting for you to be waiting below / Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes / What doesn’t kill me makes me want you more.” She acknowledges that even though this budding romance is exciting, it’s a double-edged sword because of the uncertainty that accompanies it; it’s slowly killing her, but she still wants more. As a result, this song is more honest by recognizing that even with the facade of perfection that comes with new relationships, nothing is truly perfect, but that’s okay. I’ve never experienced the Hollywood type of picture-perfect love that I used to fantasize about, but I still appreciate my relationships for what they were—even if they were simply lessons to learn from.
Unconditional love does exist — “Never Grow Up” vs “Soon You’ll Get Better”
When I first heard about the notion of unconditional love, I thought it sounded really dumb, and that it couldn’t possibly exist. Everyone knows that relationships should be a two-way street, and certain conditions should be met in order to have a healthy relationship, so how could a person love someone without wanting anything in return? Somewhere along the way, I realized that there’s only one person who loves me unconditionally, and that’s my mom. I’ve been lucky enough to have a mom who has loved and supported me for my entire life, but recently I haven’t been very good at treating her the way she should be treated. When I was younger, we had such a close relationship, but we began to drift apart in my early teenage years. I remember feeling embarrassed whenever she had to take me to parties or drop me off at a friend’s house because I just wanted to be an adult. Taylor accurately sums up my experiences at that point in my life in “Never Grow Up” when she writes, “You’re in the car on the way to the movies / And you’re mortified your mom’s dropping you off / At sixteen there’s just so much you can’t do / And you can’t wait to move out one day and call your own shots.”
As I grow older, my relationship with my family continues to grow apart. It isn’t that I don’t like them, I think it just stems from a place of wanting to be more independent. With that being said, I experienced a whirlwind of emotions when I listened to “Soon You’ll Get Better” for the first time. This song developed from Taylor’s feelings surrounding her mom’s battle with cancer, and while, thankfully, my mom isn’t dealing with anything as intense, I can’t help but imagine what life would be like if she was. Even after listening to the song dozens of times, my throat still tightens up and my chest still aches whenever I hear the lyrics, “I hate to make this all about me / But who am I supposed to talk to? / What am I supposed to do / If there’s no you?” because I’ve totally taken my mom’s unconditional love for granted. I mean, who else is going to love me when my irritability makes me snappy and my exhaustion makes me withdraw from everyone? Even though I now realize that I don’t know what I’d do without my mom, and that I truly want to be a better daughter, going to school in a different city makes things a lot more difficult. But I’m certainly going to put more effort into bridging the divide that I created between us. So, if you’ve also got parents who love you unconditionally, pause here and send them a message that you’re thinking of them—I promise they’ll love it.
You won’t be bitter forever—“Bad Blood” vs “I Forgot That You Existed”
Even though I now know that unconditional love can exist, I’ve also learned that nothing lasts forever, and love is usually accompanied by heartbreak. Though, I’ve found that friendship breakups hurt a lot more than romantic ones. There’s just something so special about the love of a best friend—the sleepovers, the inside jokes, the mutual appreciation on an intellectual and emotional level. Of course, it’s possible to have all of these things in romantic relationships as well, but I think it’s so magical to find a platonic soulmate. The only downside is that it hurts that much more if things go sideways. “Bad Blood” is so full of raw hurt and anger, and it comes from a place of believing that you won’t ever get over the betrayal: “Did you think we’d be fine? / Still got scars in my back from your knives / So, don’t think it’s in the past / These kinds of wounds they last and they last.” It’s everything I felt when I realized that I lost someone whom I considered to be one of my closest friends. For a long time, I thought that I’d always be resentful, and for a long time, I was really unhappy. Even though I knew that holding grudges wasn’t healthy because it would keep me from putting the whole situation in the past, I didn’t know how I could forget about that experience. But after some time, I had an epiphany, much like Taylor’s in “I Forgot That You Existed” when she sings, “I forgot that you existed / And I thought that it would kill me but it didn’t / And it was so nice / So peaceful and quiet / I forgot that you existed / It isn’t love, it isn’t hate / It’s just indifference.” I realized that there’s no point in dwelling on the past and letting it eat away at me, because we all do stupid things when we’re young—it’s all just a part of growing up and learning from our mistakes. I’ve forgiven that old friend because burying the hatchet is the best way to move on, and because she doesn’t deserve to be despised forever. Although, we aren’t back to being friends, I think that feeling neutral about everything that happened is a pretty solid place for me to be.
Love isn’t black and white—“Red” vs “Daylight”
I don’t think I’ll ever understand why Taylor gets so much criticism for writing so many love songs; it’s an incredibly broad topic, so it makes sense that she has a lot to say about it, especially as she’s maturing and her views on love are evolving. Red is an album I take a lot of comfort in—it’s one that helped me navigate and understand my experiences in my relationships, so it’s very near and dear to my heart. The title song, “Red,” in particular encapsulates my experience with romance thus far in my life: “Losing him was blue like I’d never known / Missing him was dark grey all alone / Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met / But loving him was red.” I think that colour symbolism is one of the most effective ways to convey feelings because certain hues are universally associated with certain emotions. Blue, grey, and red are motifs synonymous with sadness, loneliness, and love, and while this makes “Red” a song that everybody can immediately relate to, my favourite type of music contains lyrics that make me stop and think. Love isn’t conventional. Even though we all know the general, stereotypical things associated with love, everyone experiences this emotion differently, which is why I don’t think conventional colours can do it justice. Taylor had this shift in mindset as well because in “Daylight” she writes, “I once believed love would be (burning red) / But it’s golden / Like daylight.” Gold isn’t what immediately comes to mind when I think of love, but it’s certainly a much more nuanced way to think about it. It’s warmer than blue, brighter than grey, and softer than red. It indicates happiness and signifies value. And even though I haven’t experienced it yet, it’s everything I think love should be.
I’ve been listening to Taylor Swift for ten years now and I know I’ll continue to do so for many, many more. She’s played a much larger role in my life than I expected her to, especially considering I don’t even know her personally. But I guess that’s just the incredible power of music; it’s a gateway into an artist’s mind and heart. It can mirror our lives and it can even help us understand what’s going on in them. Real-life relationships are a lot more complex than just being star-crossed lovers, and even though I had to learn that myself, it’s been really comforting to have Taylor’s lovely voice to turn to whenever things get confusing or lonely. The road from “Love Story” to Lover has certainly been a long and twisting one, but I’m looking forward to seeing where Taylor and I go from here.
