Love is sickening. If you’ve ever woken up next to your partner, or any other ambiguous term that you prefer (one night stand, what was their name again, omg this is terrifying why is there a sixty-year-old shirtless stranger next to me) with a hundred-degree fever, chills and tingles all over your body, and possibly even numbness, I have good news for you. You do not have an STID. Again, I’m no medical expert (nor do I know the freaky stuff you’re into) so do get yourself checked out, but I am confident that you probably just have the freshman flu. You can breathe now.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a class in undergrad without someone around me being sick. I am curious where this bug comes from—seems like a promising conspiracy to me. Maybe they should make a show about it. Do it, you Cinema Studies people. Please. You can finish reading that book on Scorsese later.
Any passing Torontonian stranger can tell you that UofT is not a romantic school. You want to grab coffee on campus? Well, wait in line for half an hour at the Arbor Room, and find another place to sit. I’m sure they hire actors to fill that space. Want a library date? Enjoy it with the company of thousands of others around you. You can barely access the quads on campus during the year. Don’t even think about sitting outside during the winter. There are way too many allergens in the fall. And no one’s here in the summer. Even if they were, I personally don’t find humid days romantic. You’re outside for one month. Properly. You’ll have just gotten comfortable in that time, before one of you starts sneezing abhorrently. Good luck waiting for them.
I thought maybe the freshman flu was a first-year thing. You know, like the Commons or 500-people classes. Ha. How foolish of me. It got me even worse in second year. Yes, it’s my fault for having done orientation—five days of fourteen-hour working schedules, dehydrated in the heat, for no pay? Fun. By the end of the week, I managed to get all of the symptoms of many STIDs—or maybe they were just reactions to pollen. I had not engaged in any sexual behaviour (thanks for your trust) so I was just like everyone else. Allergic. Turns out everyone in my classes was too. At least, I think they were. Even after getting to know them, I could not tell you what they got up to in their first week. The mystery of those in the humanities. Makes you think.
It was better this year. I was not sick. Well, not during the first week anyway. But everyone around me, for the entire semester, was. Fall got us oldies. Aging ruined our immunity. We’re done with freshman activities.
You never do get a chance to recover. You’re sick in your first year—but also way too excited. Yes, those frat parties did not help you recover. Same story in second year. You’re succumbing to natural allergens in the third. And by fourth year, you’re too old to find love. UofT working its magic. How sweet. Achoo!
You look around and there’s so much to do in Toronto. And yet, so little that UofT leaves possible. Maybe it is cute though. If you really want to test how close you are with someone, just see if you’re both sick at the same time. I would be concerned if you and one of your friends were getting sick together. Actions—or in this case, fevers—speak louder than words. They say you’re supposed to find your soulmate in college. You might have just crossed paths with them. You’re going to have a hard time finding them again. Both of you were probably wearing masks anyway.