Intercourse, love-making, carnal relations. You probably know nothing about it. But do not fret, our experts don’t either.
I accidentally accepted my ex’s proposal! How do I navigate the dating world with my new fiancé?
Carrie: Dump him, move to a different city, and pawn off the engagement ring for cash?
Rebecca: If you try to get a woman into a relationship before you’ve even made her feel sufficient sexual attraction for you, she might also say that you’re “coming on too strong.” It will feel strange to her that you’re wanting her to commit to being your girlfriend, even though you haven’t kissed her or had sex with her yet. —themodernman dot com —Rebecca Gao
How many local Toronto meme group admins can I have sex with before it gets weird?
Carrie: Weird flex but okay (this message is not brought to you by @UofT Memes)
Rebecca: Three. One is an accident, two is a coincidence, three is a pattern.
Carrie: If you have any further questions, check out “Three” by Britney Spears.
My roommate never brings his girlfriend to our house. Is he embarrassed of her or of us?
Carrie: To quote Britney Spears, “I got 99 problems and a roommate ain’t 1.”
Rebecca: Sometimes, a discussion about your roommate’s significant other can turn into something more than you bargained for. When Brooke broached the boyfriend issue with her roommate, she got something of a wake-up call herself. “I finally got the courage to tell my roommate that her new boyfriend was hanging around too much and eating all my food. She apologized but then told me that she suspected the guy I’d been dating had been using her bath products.” And not just any bath products. “It turns out that he had been using her extremely expensive face cream as body lotion. It was so awkward to tell her that her suspicions had been correct.” –ohmyapartment dot com –Rebecca Gao
How do you manage casually hooking up with a fuckboy without getting attached?
Carrie: In times of darkness, I always turn to the words of American pop sensation Britney Spears: “Let’s not and say we didn’t.”
Rebecca: Not to brag, but I have an uncanny ability to know every detail down to a guy’s favorite football team, his weird obsession with Aerosmith, and his awful choice in beer. I’m not saying it’s a gift, but like, I kinda am. Just because I know what he likes doesn’t mean I’m going to waste my time memorizing the starting lineup of his precious Raiders. Girls who take up the same interests as a guy are “nice” and nobody wants to be the nice girl who’s walked all over. If you find yourself trying to change something about you so that he may like you more, pop a Xanny and think about this: What will happen when you eventually call it quits? You’re stuck with overpriced sports memorabilia you’ll end up lighting on fire, and you spent what could’ve been drinking money on concert tickets to see some fossil named Bob Seger. –betches dot com –Rebecca Gao
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