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On Wednesday, November 9 at 3 AM I ended a five-year relationship with my best friend, Alex. We met in university, and after a semester of flirty banter in Post-Colonialism in North America, he finally asked me on a date. I thought he was an ally. I should have known better—he failed the class.
I woke up last Tuesday with a grin on my face, excited to vote for Hillary and hug my female friends as she shattered the glass ceiling for all young women in America. Looking back, Alex had told me that he thought she was “kind of uptight” and had a “hateable bitch face,” but I thought he meant that in a presidential way! We need an “anal” President!
As the results came in, I asked how it felt to be #withher after such a grueling election, and I swear that he laughed in my face and spat on my feet. In front of all our friends, he told me that he’s too political to vote for two evils and that he couldn’t, in good conscience, “not write Harambe.” Then we lost Florida. I can’t believe I ever thought I’d be happy spending my life with someone who thinks a literal gorilla could be any match for a Yale Law graduate.
Ladies, I urge you to follow my lead. All it took was a simple change of phone number, address, bank account, social security number, Facebook password, and door key, and I have now cut Alex out of my life. I feel so much happier! But after all this trouble, do you know what gets me? What keeps me lying awake at night? Aside from all the blatant racism, the piggish sexism, the stealing of my cats, car, and money. Aside from all that. The fact that he chose the Harambe meme is the straw that broke this camel’s back. It has been months, and months since that meme was relevant to talk about. If he were going to write someone in, the only acceptable answer is Condoleezza Rice. Not to mention how his protest vote contributed to the likelihood that I won’t have access to a safe abortion in the next four years. Fuck you, Alex.
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I would have just thrown him in a gorilla pit
Amazing…. simply amazing. So called “progressives” are the most absolute lunatic bunch of pansies to plague mankind. Harambe is not racist. You call yourselves “Liberal” but you are the exact opposite of one of the founding principles of Liberalism FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION… you know – that part in the Constitution? Right… pathetic progressives, no one can take you seriously and THAT is why Trump won.