“In one of my pockets is a sweet, sweet candy bar. In the other, an even sweeter candy bar that contains razor wire. Oh, I forgot to mention that the first candy bar is poisoned. That part is kind of important. Anyway, pick one.”
“On July 29, 1981, I recorded the television broadcast of Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer’s wedding using my VCR. On July 30, 1981, I replayed and re-watched the broadcast, all the while re-recording it on a new tape. I’ve repeated this exercise every single day since then. 12,475 VHS recordings of the broadcast are now strewn aggressively around my house. There was a noticeable drop off in quality by Day 3. By Day 20, it was completely unintelligible. Since then, it’s just been two hours every day of me, a bottle of Olde English, and god-awful TV static. That’s Mommy’s Time.”
“Everyone is always like, ‘Drake this, Drake that,’ but I’m too embarrassed to admit that I have no idea what on this good green Earth they are talking about. It might be an app game, or maybe a social media site? Those things sometimes have names that sound like that, you know, like a single-syllable… Don’t show my face.”
Images by Alexandra Scandolo