It all started when I boiled some corn to eat for dinner. (Please no judgement here. I am just a hungry student foraging for a humble meal.) I finished my plentiful supper in the peaceful abode that is my apartment, went to my room to change into my PJs, and returned to my seat at the table.
To my horror, however, I found a glass of turbid, chunky water sitting next to my laptop.
“What is this?” I asked. My roommate replied, “You asked me for water, didn’t you?”
I am confused. I am stumped. I am flabbergasted. “Firstly, no I didn’t, and second, even if I did, WHAT IS THIS?”
Long story short, they put the leftover corn water (water in which I had boiled corn) in a glass, thinking that it would be funny to have me drink it. Alas, my intelligence exceeded their expectations, and I prevailed.
Not for long.
A couple days later, I requested that they make me a hot chocolate to soothe my nightly blues. Like loving roommates, they agreed! That is, I thought they did. I took a sip, and… pickle juice. In my hot chocolate. Sensing my distress, my roommate exclaimed, “Don’t worry, I made you an actual one, I’m not that mean.” I took a sip of said “actual” hot chocolate. But nay, it was yet another pickle juice concoction. And a couple days later, they added pickle juice to my Coca-Cola drink. I don’t feel safe anymore.
If you’re in a similar situation, know that you are not alone, and that there are solutions. I’ve sat and thought for days about what to do in response—and this lil’ article is an amalgamation of the ideas I’ve come up with to retaliate.
Disclaimer: if you happen to be one of my roommates, this article is not for you. Stop reading. Leave now.
Now that they’re gone, it’s time for the pranks.
1. Freeze their shampoo, face soap, or toothpaste. 10/10. Harmless; will definitely not cause the apartment to stink because they can’t wash.
2. Add their email address to a bunch of different mailing lists to overwhelm their inboxes. Also 10/10. Funny, spectacular, silly. Will definitely not have them ripping their hair out.
3. Wrap everything they own in cellophane. 10/10 again. Easy to do, definitely not frustrating to undo.
4. Add food dye to everything they drink. Juice, milk, iced tea—anything that’s liquid. 10/10. Will make the kitchen pop and bring some colour to the place. Definitely will not have them thinking there’s fungus growing everywhere.
5. Last but not least: a good old Pavlov experiment. Condition your roommates to any stimulus—perhaps a piece of gum or a doggy treat every time you say their name or knock at their door 3 times. We love a good psychology moment. 10/10.
I hope this was helpful!! These tricks will spice up your roommate life and will definitely not get you to start a prank tally on your fridge whiteboard that will lead to tension and distrust at home. Have fun!