You’ve probably just finished your senior year of high school, have been listening to Olivia Rodrigo’s Sour on repeat, and are desperately trying to convince yourself you’re the main character in a coming-of-age movie. You must think that you couldn’t be more prepared for university, right? Wrong. Preparing for university is a complex process that goes far beyond being fresh and cool, or even being good at school. However, don’t start panicking just yet—we’ll save that for later—as these steps will ensure your successful transition from high school into the wacky life of post-secondary education.
First and foremost, you must choose a program. It is essential that you choose the program which will enrage your parents the most––preferably English or the performing arts––and will make them regret having agreed to pay your tuition.
Next, sit down with your family to have the inescapable conversation in which you must explain how the degree you’re applying for is, in fact, not “useless” or a “waste of time and money.” Make sure to have a tissue box handy for when your grandmother inevitably breaks down because you destroyed her “lifelong dream” of seeing you become a doctor—the one she developed after seeing you in that Halloween costume when you were four.
After you’re done with the traumatic experience of telling your family, you must now confront your friends. Wait for the awkward silence to ensue as soon as you deliver the news of your chosen major, and then jokingly mention how if all else fails, you’ll just drop out and become an influencer. This is sure to garner a lot of laughs, making your friends feel better about not knowing what to say to you.
It is now time for you to fully process the decision you’ve made. You suddenly realize that preparing for university is no longer about what you want to do with your life, but about meeting other people’s expectations of what they deem socially acceptable to study or pursue as a career. Start panicking because this realization, understandably, causes you to ponder your life decisions and prompts you to have a proper mental breakdown.
Lastly, wake up and go through this whole process again. Only when you can email your professors without having to overthink it for an hour because you think they’ll find your tone “mean” or “disrespectful” and suppress the urge to invent a major when someone asks what you’re studying will you truly be prepared for university.